The Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society Is Now Disbanded!

I wrote earlier (on 10/19/07) that some members of the Society for Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship (that I founded) have taken it upon themselves to try to overthrow the regime of King Ralph VI. I must say first of all that their efforts are doomed to failure. On September 22, 2007, I reported that 97% of all Hoobah Boobahns consider themselves very happy, which would make Hoobah Boobah Land the happiest nation on Earth. King Ralph VI is also one of the most beloved leaders in the world. What these misguided people are trying to do would be like outlawing birthday parties because they take away from study and work time.

I am permanently splitting off from this group of people, and refuse to have anything further to do with them.

The new Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society will now be headquartered in Brooklyn, NY, where it perhaps belonged all the time. It will be under my sole leadership, and it will remain in full support of King Ralph VI. The foolish members of the old society have at least agreed to call their new organization by a new name. I am not looking forward to learning what that new name might be (probably "The Committee For Hoobah Boobah Land Democracy", or something like that).

If you choose to support the efforts of these miscreants to get rid of King Ralph VI, I think you're making a dreadful mistake, and that you could be spending your time much better in pursuit of other things that are more important. However, I will not take it personally.
The actions of my former friends at the Society will make it extremely unlikely that King Ralph will ever agree to having embassies from other nations on Hoobah Boobah soil -- particularly not the United States. If we are lucky, King Ralph will continue to allow me to report on Hoobah Boobah land on these pages. I will not devote any more time and space to this matter, but will instead continue to report on what is really important here: the culture, history, natural features, environment, and daily life of Hoobah Boobah Land.

The Stirring Story Of Hoobah Boobah Independence

It is the year 937 A.D. For a thousand years the Hoobah Boobah people have yearned for independence from Antarctica. They form an army under the leadership of Ralph the Fearless, a warrior chieftan who has become head of the resistance against Antarctican rule. The army marches southward; eventually they reach a vast frozen tundra. They march thousands of kilometers in all directions, searching for the main Antarctican army.

The march in search of the Antarctican enemies lasts nearly 25 years. Starvation, disease, and cold take a terrible toll on the Hoobah Boobah military force. (A great epic poem about this 2 and a half decade-long march will be written afterwards by Eearch Grochneeegoidan, one of the greatest figures of Hoobah Boobah literature). Finally, Ralph and his inner circle of advisors come to the terrible realization that there is no Antarctican army -- Hoobah Boobah Land could have been independent all along if they'd only realized the rest of Antarctica was unpopulated. The populace of Hoobah Boobah land wails in despair, then holds a six month-long celebration. The Kingdom of Hoobah Boobah Land is officially founded in 962 A.D., and Ralph the Fearless is coronated Ralph I, His Most Royal Highness, King of All Hoobah Boobahns.

Next...a timeline of Hoobah Boobah history!

A Timeline of Hoobah Boobah History

Early History:

10,000 B.C. to about 100 A.D.:
Small tribes form in what is now Hoobah Boobah Land. They are able to subsist (survive) on plants and animals that are found locally within Hoobah Boobah territory.

400 B.C.:
The first evidence of a written Hoobah Boobah language: a recipe for poached flatfish (see the entry on Hoobah Boobah wildlife, below) is discovered in an ice-cave in western Hoobah Boobah Land in 1877. Scientists conjecture that written language probably developed much earlier even than this.

101 A.D. :
Hoobah Boobah tribes realize they live on a much larger body of land (Antarctica). Tribal leaders mistakenly believe they are subjects of the "Antarctican Empire" ("Diktatush Frozenzshi"). Tragically, this belief lasts almost 900 years.

962 A.D.:
Hoobah Boobah Land gains "independence" (see previous post). Ruling Stalactushzz dynasty is formed when King Ralph I ascends to throne. (As this dynasty still exercises absolute rule over Hoobah Boobah land, the House of Stalactushzz is one of the world's oldest royal houses. The king/queen is the head of the government in Hoobah Boobah Land, and has direct power over all aspects of life in the country.)

1100 A.D.:
Raising of geese for down feathers becomes most important part of H.B. economy; it remains so to this day.

1190 A.D.:
Nuktor Rebellion: Peoples of remote southern region of H.B.L. join together in a temporary alliance in order to destroy the monarchy, and with it the central government. Led by the Nuktor tribe (which gave the rebellion its name), the aim of the rebellion was to return H.B.L. to the ungoverned state it enjoyed before 962 A.D. Rebel armies are able to push royal forces out of the capital, Florjabeesh, but are crushed in a counter-attack (the Battle of the 12 Bridges, in 1191).
Florjabeesh (population in 1950 [the last time a population count was done] was 221,581) was built on dozens of small islands in a coastal estuary; Florjabeesh is famous for its 205 bridges that link the major islands of the city.

Hoobah Boobah Land achieves greatness, 1200-1700:
Hoobah Boobah Art, Literature and Music flower as the reign of Queen Wilma II (1207-1245) brings peace and prosperity to the nation. Earch Grochneeegoidan, H.B.L.'s greatest poet, writes 121,768 line epic about the 25-year military campaign to liberate the country from the hated "Diktatush Frozenzshi" (see previous post). Painter Nobiliiieez Yyenzt composes the "Ralph" murals, which depict the heroism of H.B.L.'s first and second kings, King Ralph I and King Ralph II (son of King Ralph I). Composer Milityosh Probonizh writes symphonies 500 years before European composers, using wide varieties of native instruments, such as the 18-meter long reed flute, made from dried shoots native to the waters around the capital, Florjabeesh.

1700-1790's:
Hoobah Boobah Land gains its greatest wealth in its history, as it trades with peoples of present day Australia and New Zealand, as well as with southeast coast of Africa and southern India. It even has a small empire of islands near Antarctica.

1792:
Disaster! A Danish naval force intrudes into Hoobah Boobah Land waters. The Hoobah Boobah navy comes out to do battle, and is defeated terribly, losing all but 2 of its ships. The Danish navy loses no ships, but Denmark shows no interest in taking over Hoobah Boobah Land; its ships return home, taking with them the finest goose herds in the entire kingdom of Hoobah Boobah Land. The economy is devastated -- unemployment reaches 95% in the year 1793. Hoobah Boobah Land begins a 200-year period of isolation, fear of outsiders, and poverty (though not misery -- see below).

1800-2000:
A period of pride and isolation for Hoobah Boobah Land... Under the long reign of King Melchior IX (1802-1868), Hoobah Boobah Land is not affected by technological progress taking place in Europe and America. The very low population of the country, along with self-sustaining economy, create conditions for contentment in the population. The country experiences 0% immigration until 1993, at which time exactly one person emigrates to the United States of America; no one else has emigrated since that time. Contact with the outside world, while not illegal, is discouraged by the government; the people show little desire, in any case, for learning about other countries (see other entries). Television is not introduced until 1998 -- and it is only broadcast TV, not cable or satellite; approximately 300 TV sets are in use in the whole kingdom, making H.B.L. the nation with the lowest rate of TV ownership in the world. There are no automobiles; rail travel, introduced in 1975, is the principal mode of long-distance transportation. Draught animals, especially the bleegoingaaak (cousin of the North American bison), which is native to H.B.L., are the primary short-range transportation. Computers are banned, under a recent amendment to the Hoobah Boobah constitution; this web page is unavailable in Hoobah Boobah Land.

2000- present: First contact...
As previously stated, only one person has ever left H.B.L. for another country. His name is not being revealed to preserve his privacy. However, this Hoobah Boobah immigrant has spread news of Hoobah Boobah Land, and enough Americans have become curious to want to have contact with the country. The first American attempt to establish an embassy in Florjabeesh (the H.B.L. capital) was rejected by King Ralph VI in 2000. No countries have embassies in H.B.L. at this time, though, through persistence, the Hoobah Boobah Land/American Friendship Society, founded in Bayonne, N.J. in 2005, was recently successful in getting His Majesty's Government to agree to the creation of this website.

More Basic Information On Hoobah Boobah Land

World Book, Encyclopedia Brittanica, and other reference books currently contain no information on Hoobah Boobah Land. Until they do, here are a few facts of interest about this little known country:
1. Economy/Business: The principal industry is goose farming (not for food, but for harvesting down feathers for pillows, etc.).
2. Culture: When singing the Hoobah Boobah national anthem, by law citizens must place their left hand over their heart, not their right.Some Hoobah Boobah words and phrases:thank you: 'joybahz'; you're welcome: 'plorky'; Listen, everyone!: 'Bokko cheechnyanya!'; good job!: 'skreekaz ganashka!'
3. Politics: Hoobah Boobah Land is one of the few remaining countries to be ruled by an absolute monarch. That is, the king holds 100 percent of the power in the government. There is no legislature, supreme court or royal cabinet.

Some Background On Hoobah Boobah Land

Hoobah Boobah Land occupies the coast of Antarctica due south of the Bay of Bengal, and is warmed by the warmer waters further north -- these warmer waters flowing from the north allow H.B.L. to exist. It is not known how far inland the country's boundaries stretch, probably between 200 and 300 miles. Its population in 1950 was about 2 million, and is still probably about the same; no one has counted since then. Its people are so happy that only one person has ever emigrated from H.B.L.; that person lives now in America.

Hoobah Boobah's natural environment is grassland; even though the Hoobah Boobah national anthem celebrates the country's trees and mountains, Hoobah Boobah Land has neither trees nor mountains.

The farmland is fertile, and can grow root vegetables like potatoes, carrots, turnips, and parsnips. Green vegetables can be grown during about 3 months of the year -- there is a harvest festival at the end of this season: see earlier posts. The only product they make for export is goose down feathers. Ships from H.B.L. meet ships from Australia and New Zealand under cover of darkness; the Hoobah Boobahns sell the Australians and New Zealanders the goose feathers and immediately turn back for home.

This is the only significant contact that Hoobah Boobah Land makes with any other countries. Some say that after losing a major naval battle with Denmark in the late 1700's (see other entries on H.B.L.), the king made a sacred oath to keep Hoobah Boobah Land hidden from the rest of the world; it is only recently that the government has shown any interest in making contact.

(See posting on the geographic borders of Hoobah Boobah Land, also from December, 2007.)

Unusual Wildlife of Hoobah Boobah Land, Part 1

Since Antarctica has not been joined to any other continents for millions of years, and Hoobah Boobah Land is the part of Antarctica that is most hospitable to life, many interesting animal and plant species have evolved there that are quite different from any others found on Earth.

I will periodically describe these species, as they are part of the environmental heritage of Hoobah Boobah Land.

The first creature that I think you would enjoy becoming familiar with is the Eyeless Underground Flatfish. This fish is a distant cousin of the flounder. The Underground Flatfish lives in H.B.L.'s many below-ground streams and rivers. They can grow to up to 1 meter in length, and can weigh up to 10 to 12 kilograms. To navigate, they use sonar and their keen sense of smell.

They feed on underwater plants, smaller fish, and small organisms; larger Flatfish will eat wiimpash, which are mouse-like aquatic mammals that also inhabit the underground streams and rivers of Hoobah Boobah Land (more on them in another posting).

The name for this fish in Hoobah Boobahn is rathscauch (the final 'ch' is pronounced like the German 'ach'). They are considered a delicacy, but the rathscauch fishing season is only two weeks long to prevent overfishing.

Hoobah Boobah Land is one of the most environmentally conscious nations on the planet, even more than such countries as Denmark and Norway (the wonderful environmental practices of H.B.L. will also be written about in the coming months).

Since it is illegal to export photographs from Hoobah Boobah Land, I will try to post an artist's rendering of the rathscauch on this website, as soon as I am able.

Counting from 11 Through 20 In The Hoobah Boobah Language

Because of the difficulty of the Hoobah Boobah language, I have been giving small 'mini-lessons' from time to time. Today we shall learn the numbers 11-20.

Thusly:

eleven: ailexeed

twelve: eeckstellen

thirteen: whauchl ('ch' pronounced like German 'ach')

fourteen: quorteed

fifteen: pentafee

sixteen: hexafee

seventeen: septimuziy (pronounced 'septimuz-eye')

eighteen: aika (pronounced aye-ka)

nineteen: mranatgauchl

twenty: dwynachl

Please see posts from earlier months for more Hoobah Boobah phrases and grammar (as well as the numbers from 1-10).

The Hoobah Boobah Currency: The Grzzz

Note: The Hoobah Boobah word for 'king' is 'kong' (rhymes more or less with 'cone'). The pictures are of the mountains and forests that are mentioned in the Hoobah Boobah national anthem, but which don't actually exist in Hoobah Boobah Land.

4th Graders Name Hoobah Boobah Navy's New (Used) Submarine

As I have mentioned, King Ralph has his lighter side -- he is not always stern.

He was so thrilled by the name the 4th graders of P.S. 230 chose for his baby that he asked if I could have children suggest names for the used submarine H.B.L. is buying from New Zealand.

The students of Ms. Perles' 4th grade class at P.S. 230 submitted names on a slip of paper. I randomly chose one: "Yppah", which seems to me is 'happy' spelled backwards. Anyway, King Ralph loved the name, which coincidentally is close to the Hoobah Boobah word for 'strength' or 'bravery'.

So, the Royal Navy of Hoobah Boobah Land's only submarine will be officially named the H.B.S. Yppah.

(H.B.S. stands for 'Hoobah Boobah Ship')

By the way, Princess Abby is doing excellently -- she is in superb health.

Congratulations To King Ralph and Queen Gertrude!

King Ralph VI and Queen Gertrude are now parents of a strapping 9 1/2 pound baby girl!

I had asked the King and Queen if my students could choose the baby's name, and they said 'yes'. The 4th graders of Ms. Taylor's class at PS 230, Brooklyn, wrote down names for the new child just today in anticipation of the birth. I randomly pulled a boy name and a girl name from this group out of an envelope; the girl's name I picked was 'Abby', and the boy's name I picked was 'Ralph, Jr.' Shortly after that I received the happy news that the royal child -- a daughter -- was born at 30:77 hours, Hoobah Boobah time -- what a coincidence! (I'll have to explain the Hoobah Boobah time system some other day -- right now I'm too excited about the new royal baby).

The girl's full name will be Princess Abby, Marchioness of Florja ('marchioness' -- pronounced 'martian-ess' --is a noble title).

King Ralph and Queen Gertrude were touched that the children had picked out names for their new daughter.

The Four Regions Of Hoobah Boobah Land

The boundaries of H.B.L.'s regions are not exactly set, just as the borders of the nation are not set either (see previous post).

Still, there are approximately four distinct regions of Hoobah Boobah Land, each with a ceremonial representative in the capital (remember, there is no 'congress' or 'parliament' in H.B.L. -- the king holds 100% of the governmental power).

The northernmost region of H.B.L. is Florja. It contains the capital, Florjabeesh. It is the most prosperous, with the most productive goose down farms. You may know that many Hoobah Boobahns are self-supporting vegetable and bleegoingaak farmers; many of the best farms are in Florja, because it has a better climate.

The southernmost, and largest, region is Nuktor. It is colder than Florja, but supports a great deal of both animal and plant life. In the northern hemisphere, where The United States of America is located, the climate grows colder the further north you go. As Hoobah Boobah Land is in the southern hemisphere, the reverse is true. Nuktor has no industry or agriculture -- its unspoiled environment is an official item in the Official Royal Heritage. King Ralph VI does not wish to open Hoobah Boobah Land to tourism in part because he is afraid of the environmental damage that tourism would bring to his pristine kingdom.

Nuktor is inhabited by nomadic tribesman. In the past (see the 'Timeline of Hoobah Boobah History'), they were rebellious; now they have sworn their undying loyalty to the crown. The Nuktorians (sometimes referred to as 'Nuktorites') are among the most patriotic Hoobah Boobahns. The Nuktorian Guardsman, who guard the Royal Palace in the capital, Florjabeesh, are perhaps the best unit in the Hoobah Boobah military.

The easternmost province is also its smallest. It is called by the difficult-to-pronounce name of Mauchtoozxziizee (then again, many other Hoobah Boobah Land place names are very difficult to pronounce, as well). Its official capital is the port city of Mauchtoozxz, from which goosedown feathers are exported to Australia and New Zealand. Mauchtoozxz is Hoobah Boobah Land's second largest city after Florjabeesh, though it only has a population of about 10,000 (according to the 1950 census). A rail-line connects Florjabeesh and Mauchtoozxz.

The westernmost province is also small, though not as small as Mauchtoozxziizee. It is very sparsely populated, and it is cold, like Nuktor. It covers a territory about the size of Texas (which, for Hoobah Boobah Land, is not large). It is called the Xorfatten Mlick-Ehoughmizxxen Diktatush, which roughly translates as 'Western Un-organized Imperial District'. It is technically the personal property of the King, though he seldom visits there; he much prefers the delights of the province of Nuktor. It is also a very beautiful territory, but because of the blizzards, frequent high winds, and unpredictable drops in temperature (the temperature has been known to drop 75 degrees Fahrenheit in under 15 minutes), people seldom visit there from the other provinces. Its total population is less than 300 souls, who live, like the Nuktorians, by hunting game and gathering whatever edible plant life can be found. Agriculture and industry are impossible in the Xorfatten Mlick-Ehoughmizxxen Diktatush.

The Boundaries of Hoobah Boobah Land

Hoobah Boobah Land is a unique country in many, many ways. One thing that makes it distinct is that it does not have exact boundaries.

Hoobah Boobah Land is in Antarctica, as many of you know. Since it is the only country on that continent, it has not formally set its borders.

The western border lies at approximately 75 degrees East longitude; the eastern border lies at approximately 135 degrees East longitude.

(See August/September posts for why Hoobah Boobah Land has a climate that can support a human civilization.)

Between these two longitudinal borders, H.B.L.'s territory extends inland about 200-300 miles.

Because of H.B.L.'s very limited contact with other nations throughout history, maps wrongly label Hoobah Boobahn territory by such names as 'Queen Mary Coast' and 'Wilkes Land'. These names are an insult to Hoobah Boobah nationhood. The Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society (see earlier post) is launching a campaign to get H.B.L. the geographic recognition it deserves. We are not ruling out legal action.

Welcome New Visitors To Our Fair Land!

If this is your first visit to the only web page dedicated solely to the historical and cultural record of Antarctica's only independent country, welcome! If this is your second, third, fourth, etc. visit to these pages, we welcome your return to hoobahboobahland.blogspot.com.

The entries from August and September will give you the necessary background for understanding the complex history of a great nation.

The Next Ruler of Hoobah Boobah Land Will Most Likely Be A Woman

Today you're going to learn a new word: primogeniture (pronounced 'prime-oh-jen-icher' -- rhymes with 'furniture'). Primogeniture is a law that determines who should inherit a royal throne. In most cases the throne is passed on to the first-born son when the king, queen, emperor or empress dies.

In Hoobah Boobah Land, royal succession (the way the next ruler is chosen) works a little differently. If the king and queen do not give birth to a son by their 10th wedding anniversary, the throne is promised to the oldest daughter.

King Ralph and his wife, Queen Gertrude, Duchess of Nuktor, have two daughters: Princess Lola, age 9; and Princess Layla, age 4. The Queen is about to give birth, but will do so just after the King and Queen's 10th anniversary (in Hoobah Boobah Land, parents do not try to find out the sex of an unborn child -- it wouldn't matter anyway in this case).

On that sad and momentous day when King Ralph departs this life, Lola will be crowned Her Most Royal Highness, Queen Lola II (there was another Lola who reigned briefly and not very well during the 1600's), Most Benevolent Ruler Of All The Hoobah Boobahns. But King Ralph VI is in very good health, so the royal succession may not take place for several decades. Layla is next in line for the throne, followed by the child about to be born.

Names being considered for the new baby: if a boy, Otto or Klempf (a Hoobah Boobah name); if a girl, Lily or Libby. (But the King and Queen may let my students choose the baby's name!)

A Culinary Journey Through Hoobah Boobah Land, Part II

Nuktor is the very chilly southernmost province of Hoobah Boobah Land. The people of Nuktor are the most traditional of all of King Ralph VI's subjects. They have preserved the traditional cookery of Hoobah Boobah Land -- some of the Nuktorians' recipes date back 40,000 years.

The zxyxibak is a flightless bird that has adapted to the harsh climate of the Nuktor region. It lays 5 pound eggs about the size of American footballs. They lay them 3 at a time, which tells you that zxyxibaks are very large birds (4 meters high, 200 to 250 kilograms in weight). Hoobah Boobah Land has strict hunting and conservation laws. Only one zxyxibak egg may be taken at a time, and there must be two other eggs in the nest to ensure that at least one zxyxibak chick will hatch.

The Nuktorians distract the mother zxyxibak by riding upon one another's shoulders, dressed in a zxyxibak disguise and flapping their fake wings frantically. The zxyxibak mother charges angrily, while the egg snatcher (usually a clan chieftan) takes the egg. A Royal game warden is observing the whole time to make sure the legal number of eggs (one) is taken.

The Nuktorians are nomadic tribesman. Do you remember the bleegoingaaak? If you read the Street Food of Florjabeesh article from October, you learned that a bleegoingaaak is similar to a buffalo. The Nuktorians live off their herds of bleegoingaaks, berries, wild grasses, game fish and other food that they hunt or gather. Anyway, the Nukorians make butter from bleegoingaak milk, which they use mainly for cooking. They don't use butter on bread, because the Nuktor tribesman don't bake.

By the way, do you know what geothermal energy is? That is when heat from underground comes up to the surface, often in the form of steam. There is an area in Nuktor province, about the size of Staten Island, NY, that consists of rocks that are geothermally heated. These rocks get hot enough to fry food.

The Nuktorians take tubs of bleegoingaaak butter, and slather it over a heated rock. Then, they crack open a zxyxibak egg over the hot buttered rock. In a few minutes, they have a delicious fried egg that is about half a meter wide. They season the egg with wild thyme and ground rock salt from the underground salt caves found in Nuktor province.

In the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, Florjabeesh, zxyxibak eggs are a delicacy. Only King Ralph VI and a few of his most important advisors ever get to sample these giant eggs.