More on Hoobah Boobah Land Sports...

Recently I profiled Hoobah Boobah baseball. On October 19th, 2007, I wrote about Hoobah Boobah Land's other major sport: ice wrestling.

The third most popular sport in H.B.L. is a kind of soccer called kyyiibyi (pronounced 'ky-yi-bye-yee'). In this game, there are three goals on each side. There are also three balls in play at once, and 15 players per side. The balls are about the same size as beach balls (though with about the same weight as a regulation soccer ball).

The basic rules are -- amazingly -- similar to our own game of soccer. A couple of minor differences: when one of the 3 balls goes out of bounds, the game continues with the other two balls while the throw-in takes place with the ball that went out; similarly, if there is a penalty kick with one ball, regulation play continues with the other two balls.

As you would expect, the field is much wider in kyyiibyi. The games are also much higher-scoring than in regular soccer.

This game is only played in amateur leagues.

The Hoobah Boobah Baseball Hall of Fame

Hoobah Boobah Land does not have its own baseball hall of fame, as we Americans do at Cooperstown, NY. But it has had some great players in the 700-year history of professional Hoobah Boobah baseball. Here are some profiles of a few of these Hoobah Boobah sports legends:

1. Kennesheex Huzzz. "Kenny" Huzzz played for the Florjabeesh Islanders from 1301 to 1325 (the team was founded, in fact, in 1301; Kenny was an original Islander). Kenny played all positions, as most players did in Hoobah Boobah baseball up until about 1960. He had a lifetime batting average of .401. As a pitcher he had a lifetime E.R.A. of 3.56, which was actually astoundingly good for Hoobah Boobah baseball (in Hoobah Boobah baseball, you get a walk on 3 balls, but it takes 4 strikes to strike out, which puts pitchers at an obvious disadvantage).

Kennesheex Huzzz was one of the most revered Hoobah Boobahns of the 14th century. "The Ballad of Kenny Huzzz" is one of the most beloved verses of all Hoobah Boobah literature. Even to this very day, Hoobah Boobah children set this poem to memory (we Americans should get back in the habit of memorizing poetry).

2. Earch Zxyxlack. Earch "Whiff" Zxyxlack was the greatest Hoobah Boobah baseball player of the 16th century, and perhaps the best all-round player who ever played for the Nuktor Ice-Wrestlers. With 604 homeruns and 2,967 hits lifetime, he was also one of the best defensive players in the history of the game, with a 502-game no-error streak.

3. Xuxtlen Badton. Mauchtoozxziizee is Hoobah Boobah Land's easternmost province, and also its smallest. The provincial capital of Mauchtoozxz has only had a professional baseball team since 1806; its team, the Mauchtoozxz Goose Traders, has never won a national championship -- a drought that puts the travails of the Chicago Cubs into perspective.

The Goose Traders had a long-serving, long-suffering, but beloved manager, Xuxtlen Badton, who headed the hapless team throughout 55 seasons (from 1888 through 1943). Even when his team went 4-86 in 1912, there were no calls for him to be fired. If anything, public support for him seemed to increase when the Goose Traders had lopsided losing seasons.

On his retirement, the King of Hoobah Boobah Land knighted "Xuxy" Badton. 'Sir Xuxy' died in 1946.

Professional Baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land

Professional baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land has a rich history, dating from the late 13th century and continuing on up to this day.

All professional games take place in one stadium, Stalactushzz stadium, near the Royal Palace, in the capital, Florjabeesh. Teams are organized in the different geographical regions of H.B.L. Florja, the most populous province, has the most teams, but Nuktor, the remote southern province, has its own team: The Nuktor Ice-Wrestlers.

The teams travel to Florjabeesh, and play a week's worth of games at Stalactushzz stadium. Fans either travel to the capital to watch, or watch on one of the country's few television sets. Many listen to radio broadcasts of the games.

The Origin of Baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land

As different as Hoobah Boobah Land is from the United States, Hoobah Boobahns nonetheless are baseball fanatics. How is this possible? Hoobah Boobah Land has had minimal contact with the outside world.

Baseball was brought to other countries by American servicemen. Now, some of the best players in the Major Leagues come from outside the United States. But how did the Hoobah Boobahns learn about baseball without anyone teaching it to them?

The answer comes from the branch of mathematics known as probability. If you flip a coin 1000 times, it will land on the tails side about 500 times. But if you flip that same coin 1000 times for an infinite number of 1000-flip sets, eventually it will be tails 1000 times. It might take countless trillions of 1000-flip trials, but eventually, it will happen.

This is the explanation for baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land. In this incredible example of probability theory at work, Hoobah Boobah Land developed the game of baseball, with the exact same rules, the exact same field dimensions, and the exact same number of players each side as in the American game. And it all happened completely by chance!

There are a couple of minor differences between Hoobah Boobah baseball and American baseball. The most notable of these is that there are 3 balls and 4 strikes per at bat, which obviously favors batters over pitchers (it also explains why complete-game shut-outs are very rare, and why no pitcher has ever pitched a perfect game in the 700-year history of Hoobah Boobah baseball). The composition of the baseballs themselves is also slightly different from American baseballs.

Sometime in the future I shall profile some of the great players of Hoobah Boobah baseball.