The Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society Is Now Disbanded!

I wrote earlier (on 10/19/07) that some members of the Society for Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship (that I founded) have taken it upon themselves to try to overthrow the regime of King Ralph VI. I must say first of all that their efforts are doomed to failure. On September 22, 2007, I reported that 97% of all Hoobah Boobahns consider themselves very happy, which would make Hoobah Boobah Land the happiest nation on Earth. King Ralph VI is also one of the most beloved leaders in the world. What these misguided people are trying to do would be like outlawing birthday parties because they take away from study and work time.

I am permanently splitting off from this group of people, and refuse to have anything further to do with them.

The new Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society will now be headquartered in Brooklyn, NY, where it perhaps belonged all the time. It will be under my sole leadership, and it will remain in full support of King Ralph VI. The foolish members of the old society have at least agreed to call their new organization by a new name. I am not looking forward to learning what that new name might be (probably "The Committee For Hoobah Boobah Land Democracy", or something like that).

If you choose to support the efforts of these miscreants to get rid of King Ralph VI, I think you're making a dreadful mistake, and that you could be spending your time much better in pursuit of other things that are more important. However, I will not take it personally.
The actions of my former friends at the Society will make it extremely unlikely that King Ralph will ever agree to having embassies from other nations on Hoobah Boobah soil -- particularly not the United States. If we are lucky, King Ralph will continue to allow me to report on Hoobah Boobah land on these pages. I will not devote any more time and space to this matter, but will instead continue to report on what is really important here: the culture, history, natural features, environment, and daily life of Hoobah Boobah Land.

The Stirring Story Of Hoobah Boobah Independence

It is the year 937 A.D. For a thousand years the Hoobah Boobah people have yearned for independence from Antarctica. They form an army under the leadership of Ralph the Fearless, a warrior chieftan who has become head of the resistance against Antarctican rule. The army marches southward; eventually they reach a vast frozen tundra. They march thousands of kilometers in all directions, searching for the main Antarctican army.

The march in search of the Antarctican enemies lasts nearly 25 years. Starvation, disease, and cold take a terrible toll on the Hoobah Boobah military force. (A great epic poem about this 2 and a half decade-long march will be written afterwards by Eearch Grochneeegoidan, one of the greatest figures of Hoobah Boobah literature). Finally, Ralph and his inner circle of advisors come to the terrible realization that there is no Antarctican army -- Hoobah Boobah Land could have been independent all along if they'd only realized the rest of Antarctica was unpopulated. The populace of Hoobah Boobah land wails in despair, then holds a six month-long celebration. The Kingdom of Hoobah Boobah Land is officially founded in 962 A.D., and Ralph the Fearless is coronated Ralph I, His Most Royal Highness, King of All Hoobah Boobahns.

Next...a timeline of Hoobah Boobah history!

A Timeline of Hoobah Boobah History

Early History:

10,000 B.C. to about 100 A.D.:
Small tribes form in what is now Hoobah Boobah Land. They are able to subsist (survive) on plants and animals that are found locally within Hoobah Boobah territory.

400 B.C.:
The first evidence of a written Hoobah Boobah language: a recipe for poached flatfish (see the entry on Hoobah Boobah wildlife, below) is discovered in an ice-cave in western Hoobah Boobah Land in 1877. Scientists conjecture that written language probably developed much earlier even than this.

101 A.D. :
Hoobah Boobah tribes realize they live on a much larger body of land (Antarctica). Tribal leaders mistakenly believe they are subjects of the "Antarctican Empire" ("Diktatush Frozenzshi"). Tragically, this belief lasts almost 900 years.

962 A.D.:
Hoobah Boobah Land gains "independence" (see previous post). Ruling Stalactushzz dynasty is formed when King Ralph I ascends to throne. (As this dynasty still exercises absolute rule over Hoobah Boobah land, the House of Stalactushzz is one of the world's oldest royal houses. The king/queen is the head of the government in Hoobah Boobah Land, and has direct power over all aspects of life in the country.)

1100 A.D.:
Raising of geese for down feathers becomes most important part of H.B. economy; it remains so to this day.

1190 A.D.:
Nuktor Rebellion: Peoples of remote southern region of H.B.L. join together in a temporary alliance in order to destroy the monarchy, and with it the central government. Led by the Nuktor tribe (which gave the rebellion its name), the aim of the rebellion was to return H.B.L. to the ungoverned state it enjoyed before 962 A.D. Rebel armies are able to push royal forces out of the capital, Florjabeesh, but are crushed in a counter-attack (the Battle of the 12 Bridges, in 1191).
Florjabeesh (population in 1950 [the last time a population count was done] was 221,581) was built on dozens of small islands in a coastal estuary; Florjabeesh is famous for its 205 bridges that link the major islands of the city.

Hoobah Boobah Land achieves greatness, 1200-1700:
Hoobah Boobah Art, Literature and Music flower as the reign of Queen Pippazxzx I (1207-1245) brings peace and prosperity to the nation. Earch Grochneeegoidan, H.B.L.'s greatest poet, writes 121,768 line epic about the 25-year military campaign to liberate the country from the hated "Diktatush Frozenzshi" (see previous post). Painter Nobiliiieez Yyenzt composes the "Ralph" murals, which depict the heroism of H.B.L.'s first and second kings, King Ralph I and King Ralph II (son of King Ralph I). Composer Milityosh Probonizh writes symphonies 500 years before European composers, using wide varieties of native instruments, such as the 18-meter long reed flute, made from dried shoots native to the waters around the capital, Florjabeesh.

1700-1790's:
Hoobah Boobah Land gains its greatest wealth in its history, as it trades with peoples of present day Australia and New Zealand, as well as with southeast coast of Africa and southern India. It even has a small empire of islands near Antarctica.

1792:
Disaster! A Danish naval force intrudes into Hoobah Boobah Land waters. The Hoobah Boobah navy comes out to do battle, and is defeated terribly, losing all but 2 of its ships. The Danish navy loses no ships, but Denmark shows no interest in taking over Hoobah Boobah Land; its ships return home, taking with them the finest goose herds in the entire kingdom of Hoobah Boobah Land. The economy is devastated -- unemployment reaches 95% in the year 1793. Hoobah Boobah Land begins a 200-year period of isolation, fear of outsiders, and poverty (though not misery -- see below).

1800-2000:
A period of pride and isolation for Hoobah Boobah Land... Under the long reign of King Melchior IX (1802-1868), Hoobah Boobah Land is not affected by technological progress taking place in Europe and America. The very low population of the country, along with self-sustaining economy, create conditions for contentment in the population. The country experiences 0% immigration until 1993, at which time exactly one person emigrates to the United States of America; no one else has emigrated since that time. Contact with the outside world, while not illegal, is discouraged by the government; the people show little desire, in any case, for learning about other countries (see other entries). Television is not introduced until 1998 -- and it is only broadcast TV, not cable or satellite; approximately 300 TV sets are in use in the whole kingdom, making H.B.L. the nation with the lowest rate of TV ownership in the world. There are no automobiles; rail travel, introduced in 1975, is the principal mode of long-distance transportation. Draught animals, especially the bleegoingaaak (cousin of the North American bison), which is native to H.B.L., are the primary short-range transportation. Computers are banned, under a recent amendment to the Hoobah Boobah constitution; this web page is unavailable in Hoobah Boobah Land.

2000- present: First contact...
As previously stated, only one person has ever left H.B.L. for another country. His name is not being revealed to preserve his privacy. However, this Hoobah Boobah immigrant has spread news of Hoobah Boobah Land, and enough Americans have become curious to want to have contact with the country. The first American attempt to establish an embassy in Florjabeesh (the H.B.L. capital) was rejected by King Ralph VI in 2000. No countries have embassies in H.B.L. at this time, though, through persistence, the Hoobah Boobah Land/American Friendship Society, founded in Bayonne, N.J. in 2005, was recently successful in getting His Majesty's Government to agree to the creation of this website.

More Basic Information On Hoobah Boobah Land

World Book, Encyclopedia Brittanica, and other reference books currently contain no information on Hoobah Boobah Land. Until they do, here are a few facts of interest about this little known country:
1. Economy/Business: The principal industry is goose farming (not for food, but for harvesting down feathers for pillows, etc.).
2. Culture: When singing the Hoobah Boobah national anthem, by law citizens must place their left hand over their heart, not their right.Some Hoobah Boobah words and phrases:thank you: 'joybahz'; you're welcome: 'plorky'; Listen, everyone!: 'Bokko cheechnyanya!'; good job!: 'skreekaz ganashka!'
3. Politics: Hoobah Boobah Land is one of the few remaining countries to be ruled by an absolute monarch. That is, the king holds 100 percent of the power in the government. There is no legislature, supreme court or royal cabinet.

Some Background On Hoobah Boobah Land

Hoobah Boobah Land occupies the coast of Antarctica due south of the Bay of Bengal, and is warmed by the warmer waters further north -- these warmer waters flowing from the north allow H.B.L. to exist. It is not known how far inland the country's boundaries stretch, probably between 200 and 300 miles. Its population in 1950 was about 2 million, and is still probably about the same; no one has counted since then. Its people are so happy that only one person has ever emigrated from H.B.L.; that person lives now in America.

Hoobah Boobah's natural environment is grassland; even though the Hoobah Boobah national anthem celebrates the country's trees and mountains, Hoobah Boobah Land has neither trees nor mountains.

The farmland is fertile, and can grow root vegetables like potatoes, carrots, turnips, and parsnips. Green vegetables can be grown during about 3 months of the year -- there is a harvest festival at the end of this season: see earlier posts. The only product they make for export is goose down feathers. Ships from H.B.L. meet ships from Australia and New Zealand under cover of darkness; the Hoobah Boobahns sell the Australians and New Zealanders the goose feathers and immediately turn back for home.

This is the only significant contact that Hoobah Boobah Land makes with any other countries. Some say that after losing a major naval battle with Denmark in the late 1700's (see other entries on H.B.L.), the king made a sacred oath to keep Hoobah Boobah Land hidden from the rest of the world; it is only recently that the government has shown any interest in making contact.

(See posting on the geographic borders of Hoobah Boobah Land, also from December, 2007.)

Unusual Wildlife of Hoobah Boobah Land, Part 1

Since Antarctica has not been joined to any other continents for millions of years, and Hoobah Boobah Land is the part of Antarctica that is most hospitable to life, many interesting animal and plant species have evolved there that are quite different from any others found on Earth.

I will periodically describe these species, as they are part of the environmental heritage of Hoobah Boobah Land.

The first creature that I think you would enjoy becoming familiar with is the Eyeless Underground Flatfish. This fish is a distant cousin of the flounder. The Underground Flatfish lives in H.B.L.'s many below-ground streams and rivers. They can grow to up to 1 meter in length, and can weigh up to 10 to 12 kilograms. To navigate, they use sonar and their keen sense of smell.

They feed on underwater plants, smaller fish, and small organisms; larger Flatfish will eat wiimpash, which are mouse-like aquatic mammals that also inhabit the underground streams and rivers of Hoobah Boobah Land (more on them in another posting).

The name for this fish in Hoobah Boobahn is rathscauch (the final 'ch' is pronounced like the German 'ach'). They are considered a delicacy, but the rathscauch fishing season is only two weeks long to prevent overfishing.

Hoobah Boobah Land is one of the most environmentally conscious nations on the planet, even more than such countries as Denmark and Norway (the wonderful environmental practices of H.B.L. will also be written about in the coming months).

Since it is illegal to export photographs from Hoobah Boobah Land, I will try to post an artist's rendering of the rathscauch on this website, as soon as I am able.

Counting from 11 Through 20 In The Hoobah Boobah Language

Because of the difficulty of the Hoobah Boobah language, I have been giving small 'mini-lessons' from time to time. Today we shall learn the numbers 11-20.

Thusly:

eleven: ailexeed

twelve: eeckstellen

thirteen: whauchl ('ch' pronounced like German 'ach')

fourteen: quorteed

fifteen: pentafee

sixteen: hexafee

seventeen: septimuziy (pronounced 'septimuz-eye')

eighteen: aika (pronounced aye-ka)

nineteen: mranatgauchl

twenty: dwynachl

Please see posts from earlier months for more Hoobah Boobah phrases and grammar (as well as the numbers from 1-10).

The Hoobah Boobah Currency: The Grzzz

Note: The Hoobah Boobah word for 'king' is 'kong' (rhymes more or less with 'cone'). The pictures are of the mountains and forests that are mentioned in the Hoobah Boobah national anthem, but which don't actually exist in Hoobah Boobah Land.

4th Graders Name Hoobah Boobah Navy's New (Used) Submarine

As I have mentioned, King Ralph has his lighter side -- he is not always stern.

He was so thrilled by the name the 4th graders of P.S. 230 chose for his baby that he asked if I could have children suggest names for the used submarine H.B.L. is buying from New Zealand.

The students of Ms. Perles' 4th grade class at P.S. 230 submitted names on a slip of paper. I randomly chose one: "Yppah", which seems to me is 'happy' spelled backwards. Anyway, King Ralph loved the name, which coincidentally is close to the Hoobah Boobah word for 'strength' or 'bravery'.

So, the Royal Navy of Hoobah Boobah Land's only submarine will be officially named the H.B.S. Yppah.

(H.B.S. stands for 'Hoobah Boobah Ship')

By the way, Princess Abby is doing excellently -- she is in superb health.

Congratulations To King Ralph and Queen Gertrude!

King Ralph VI and Queen Gertrude are now parents of a strapping 9 1/2 pound baby girl!

I had asked the King and Queen if my students could choose the baby's name, and they said 'yes'. The 4th graders of Ms. Taylor's class at PS 230, Brooklyn, wrote down names for the new child just today in anticipation of the birth. I randomly pulled a boy name and a girl name from this group out of an envelope; the girl's name I picked was 'Abby', and the boy's name I picked was 'Ralph, Jr.' Shortly after that I received the happy news that the royal child -- a daughter -- was born at 30:77 hours, Hoobah Boobah time -- what a coincidence! (I'll have to explain the Hoobah Boobah time system some other day -- right now I'm too excited about the new royal baby).

The girl's full name will be Princess Abby, Marchioness of Florja ('marchioness' -- pronounced 'martian-ess' --is a noble title).

King Ralph and Queen Gertrude were touched that the children had picked out names for their new daughter.

The Four Regions Of Hoobah Boobah Land

The boundaries of H.B.L.'s regions are not exactly set, just as the borders of the nation are not set either (see previous post).

Still, there are approximately four distinct regions of Hoobah Boobah Land, each with a ceremonial representative in the capital (remember, there is no 'congress' or 'parliament' in H.B.L. -- the king holds 100% of the governmental power).

The northernmost region of H.B.L. is Florja. It contains the capital, Florjabeesh. It is the most prosperous, with the most productive goose down farms. You may know that many Hoobah Boobahns are self-supporting vegetable and bleegoingaak farmers; many of the best farms are in Florja, because it has a better climate.

The southernmost, and largest, region is Nuktor. It is colder than Florja, but supports a great deal of both animal and plant life. In the northern hemisphere, where The United States of America is located, the climate grows colder the further north you go. As Hoobah Boobah Land is in the southern hemisphere, the reverse is true. Nuktor has no industry or agriculture -- its unspoiled environment is an official item in the Official Royal Heritage. King Ralph VI does not wish to open Hoobah Boobah Land to tourism in part because he is afraid of the environmental damage that tourism would bring to his pristine kingdom.

Nuktor is inhabited by nomadic tribesman. In the past (see the 'Timeline of Hoobah Boobah History'), they were rebellious; now they have sworn their undying loyalty to the crown. The Nuktorians (sometimes referred to as 'Nuktorites') are among the most patriotic Hoobah Boobahns. The Nuktorian Guardsman, who guard the Royal Palace in the capital, Florjabeesh, are perhaps the best unit in the Hoobah Boobah military.

The easternmost province is also its smallest. It is called by the difficult-to-pronounce name of Mauchtoozxziizee (then again, many other Hoobah Boobah Land place names are very difficult to pronounce, as well). Its official capital is the port city of Mauchtoozxz, from which goosedown feathers are exported to Australia and New Zealand. Mauchtoozxz is Hoobah Boobah Land's second largest city after Florjabeesh, though it only has a population of about 10,000 (according to the 1950 census). A rail-line connects Florjabeesh and Mauchtoozxz.

The westernmost province is also small, though not as small as Mauchtoozxziizee. It is very sparsely populated, and it is cold, like Nuktor. It covers a territory about the size of Texas (which, for Hoobah Boobah Land, is not large). It is called the Xorfatten Mlick-Ehoughmizxxen Diktatush, which roughly translates as 'Western Un-organized Imperial District'. It is technically the personal property of the King, though he seldom visits there; he much prefers the delights of the province of Nuktor. It is also a very beautiful territory, but because of the blizzards, frequent high winds, and unpredictable drops in temperature (the temperature has been known to drop 75 degrees Fahrenheit in under 15 minutes), people seldom visit there from the other provinces. Its total population is less than 300 souls, who live, like the Nuktorians, by hunting game and gathering whatever edible plant life can be found. Agriculture and industry are impossible in the Xorfatten Mlick-Ehoughmizxxen Diktatush.

The Boundaries of Hoobah Boobah Land

Hoobah Boobah Land is a unique country in many, many ways. One thing that makes it distinct is that it does not have exact boundaries.

Hoobah Boobah Land is in Antarctica, as many of you know. Since it is the only country on that continent, it has not formally set its borders.

The western border lies at approximately 75 degrees East longitude; the eastern border lies at approximately 135 degrees East longitude.

(See August/September posts for why Hoobah Boobah Land has a climate that can support a human civilization.)

Between these two longitudinal borders, H.B.L.'s territory extends inland about 200-300 miles.

Because of H.B.L.'s very limited contact with other nations throughout history, maps wrongly label Hoobah Boobahn territory by such names as 'Queen Mary Coast' and 'Wilkes Land'. These names are an insult to Hoobah Boobah nationhood. The Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society (see earlier post) is launching a campaign to get H.B.L. the geographic recognition it deserves. We are not ruling out legal action.

Welcome New Visitors To Our Fair Land!

If this is your first visit to the only web page dedicated solely to the historical and cultural record of Antarctica's only independent country, welcome! If this is your second, third, fourth, etc. visit to these pages, we welcome your return to hoobahboobahland.blogspot.com.

The entries from August and September will give you the necessary background for understanding the complex history of a great nation.

The Next Ruler of Hoobah Boobah Land Will Most Likely Be A Woman

Today you're going to learn a new word: primogeniture (pronounced 'prime-oh-jen-icher' -- rhymes with 'furniture'). Primogeniture is a law that determines who should inherit a royal throne. In most cases the throne is passed on to the first-born son when the king, queen, emperor or empress dies.

In Hoobah Boobah Land, royal succession (the way the next ruler is chosen) works a little differently. If the king and queen do not give birth to a son by their 10th wedding anniversary, the throne is promised to the oldest daughter.

King Ralph and his wife, Queen Gertrude, Duchess of Nuktor, have two daughters: Princess Lola, age 9; and Princess Layla, age 4. The Queen is about to give birth, but will do so just after the King and Queen's 10th anniversary (in Hoobah Boobah Land, parents do not try to find out the sex of an unborn child -- it wouldn't matter anyway in this case).

On that sad and momentous day when King Ralph departs this life, Lola will be crowned Her Most Royal Highness, Queen Lola II (there was another Lola who reigned briefly and not very well during the 1600's), Most Benevolent Ruler Of All The Hoobah Boobahns. But King Ralph VI is in very good health, so the royal succession may not take place for several decades. Layla is next in line for the throne, followed by the child about to be born.

Names being considered for the new baby: if a boy, Otto or Klempf (a Hoobah Boobah name); if a girl, Lily or Libby. (But the King and Queen may let my students choose the baby's name!)

A Culinary Journey Through Hoobah Boobah Land, Part II

Nuktor is the very chilly southernmost province of Hoobah Boobah Land. The people of Nuktor are the most traditional of all of King Ralph VI's subjects. They have preserved the traditional cookery of Hoobah Boobah Land -- some of the Nuktorians' recipes date back 40,000 years.

The zxyxibak is a flightless bird that has adapted to the harsh climate of the Nuktor region. It lays 5 pound eggs about the size of American footballs. They lay them 3 at a time, which tells you that zxyxibaks are very large birds (4 meters high, 200 to 250 kilograms in weight). Hoobah Boobah Land has strict hunting and conservation laws. Only one zxyxibak egg may be taken at a time, and there must be two other eggs in the nest to ensure that at least one zxyxibak chick will hatch.

The Nuktorians distract the mother zxyxibak by riding upon one another's shoulders, dressed in a zxyxibak disguise and flapping their fake wings frantically. The zxyxibak mother charges angrily, while the egg snatcher (usually a clan chieftan) takes the egg. A Royal game warden is observing the whole time to make sure the legal number of eggs (one) is taken.

The Nuktorians are nomadic tribesman. Do you remember the bleegoingaaak? If you read the Street Food of Florjabeesh article from October, you learned that a bleegoingaaak is similar to a buffalo. The Nuktorians live off their herds of bleegoingaaks, berries, wild grasses, game fish and other food that they hunt or gather. Anyway, the Nukorians make butter from bleegoingaak milk, which they use mainly for cooking. They don't use butter on bread, because the Nuktor tribesman don't bake.

By the way, do you know what geothermal energy is? That is when heat from underground comes up to the surface, often in the form of steam. There is an area in Nuktor province, about the size of Staten Island, NY, that consists of rocks that are geothermally heated. These rocks get hot enough to fry food.

The Nuktorians take tubs of bleegoingaaak butter, and slather it over a heated rock. Then, they crack open a zxyxibak egg over the hot buttered rock. In a few minutes, they have a delicious fried egg that is about half a meter wide. They season the egg with wild thyme and ground rock salt from the underground salt caves found in Nuktor province.

In the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, Florjabeesh, zxyxibak eggs are a delicacy. Only King Ralph VI and a few of his most important advisors ever get to sample these giant eggs.

A More Complete Explanation of Hoobah Boobah Money

If you read the article about street food in Florjabeesh, you would have seen mention of the Hoobah Boobah currency. Here is a summary of how the money works.

Unit of currency: the grzzz (abbreviation: grz.)

Division of currency: 1 grzzz = 72 gringledits (abbreviation: gr'its).

There are grzzz coins and grzzz bills: 1 grzzz coins and 1 grzzz bills; also 5, 10, 20, 50, 100 grzzz bills. 1 gr'it coins are called greedlz and are equivalent to our penny. There are also 18 gr'it coins that are equivalent to our quarter -- in fact, they are called quartozeez because 4 of them add up to 1 grzzz (see the Hoobah Boobah word for '4' in one of the earlier entries). There is no equivalent coin to our nickel and dime.

The U.S. dollar has fallen about 15% in value relative to the grzzz since I first mentioned the Hoobah Boobah currency. Now, 1 grzzz = about $1.20 US. When I first mentioned the grzzz, it was worth about $1.03 US.

This means that if you went to H.B.L. on a trip, everything would be a bit expensive. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for you, tourism is illegal in Hoobah Boobah Land -- you can't go there (sorry!). So is immigration, so I hope you weren't considering emigrating to Hoobah Boobah Land.

The correct pronunciation of 'grzzz' is something like this: 'grshzshzshz'. If you just say 'grshsh', people will understand what you mean.

The Hoobah Boobahn Calendar

There are six months in every year in the H.B. calendar. Each month has 64 days, so that every 300 of our years (or so), the calendar gets flipped around.

The Names of the Months in the Hoobah Boobah year:

Meeflak

Morshlask (see Hoobah Boobah Independence Day)

Moxclaxk

Fleeghtot

Flershnock

Feelxcoth

Hoobah Boobah Independence day is always celebrated on Morshlask 64th, the last day of the month, because it was on that date that H.B.L. realized it was independent from Antarctica, back in our 10th century. But in reality, since the earth year is 365 days, and the H.B. calendar is 384 days, their dates shift by about 2 weeks a year in relation to our calendar. Our summer (their winter) currently begins in Moxclaxk, but in a few years, the beginning of winter (the winter solstice) will begin in a different month of the Hoobah Boobah calendar.

Hoobah Boobah Independence Day Celebration

First of all, you may want to go back to the entry for Sept. 4 to get the stirring story of H.B.L.'s heroic struggle for independence...

On the sacred date of Morshlask 64th, year zero of the Hoobah Boobahn calendar, the warrior chieftain Ralph the Fearless declared victory over the Antarctican Empire (which, it turned out, never existed -- see 9/4 entry). Ralph was crowned Ralph I, King of All Hoobah Boobahns, and the Royal House of Stalactushzz was founded. Milosh 64th is April 2nd in our calendar, and on this date, the people celebrate their independence with fireworks and games. King Ralph always wrestles a Florja walrus in Stalactushzz Stadium, to the delight of tens of thousands of his subjects. Ice columns are brought from the southern region of Nuktor by special train to the capital, Florjabeesh; young men engage in friendly ice-wrestling matches -- gambling on these matches is, of course, illegal (see earlier posts for an explanation of this sport).

After King Ralph wrestles the walrus (the king always wins easily), the poet laureate of Hoobah Boobah Land (the current poet laureate is Zanjjaska Flarrokgo, the first woman ever to hold this honorable post) reads all 121,768 lines of "Our People Are Liberated At Last", the epic poem composed about 500 years ago by Earch Grochneeegoidan, who is considered the Shakespeare of Hoobah Boobah Land (actually, he is more like the Homer of Hoobah Boobah Land, but King Ralph would be offended if I corrected him). The reading can take anywhere from 4 to 8 hours, and the entire audience stands at close attention during the entire reading. No one would even think of leaving to use the rest room, and not just because it is illegal to leave your seat at any time during the reading (which it is), but because Earch Grochneeegoidan is a national hero (poets are seen not as heroes in many other countries, but as harmless eccentrics).

Morshlask Brsto, the fried-fish vendor you read about in "Street Food of Florjabeesh" makes more money on this day than on any other throughout the year.

More Country Names In The Hoobah Boobah Language

By popular demand, I am including some more country names in Hoobah Boobahn:

Spain: Hispanikooo
Portugal: Lusitoinoin
Czech Republic: Pragg
Slovakia: Slovakkkkck
Sweden: Sueeetwn (pronounced "Sweet-twin" -- more or less)
Great Britain: Brittaniashgoploo
Australia: Eucalyptykko
New Zealand: Antipodeeosk
Denmark: Fiskkalt
Nigeria: Noigarrearoira (now you know why no one from outside Hoobah Boobah Land wants to learn the language)

If you want more, let me know.

The "One" Monument

You may have learned from earlier posts that until about the year 1500, there was no word in the Hoobah Boobah language for the number 1. Before that time, the only way people could express the number one was through subtraction. For example, if a you were buying one fried-fish-on-a-stick from a fried fish vendor, you had to say (in Hoobah Boobahn) "I would like 5 minus 4 fried fish".

When sailors from present-day Bangladesh were shipwrecked off the coast of H.B.L., they showed their gratitude to the Hoobah Boobahns for rescuing them by letting them use the Bengali word for one: 'ek'.

In the year 1765, a monument to the number one was erected on one of the islands that make up the capital of H.B.L., Florjabeesh. Made of Nuktor granite, a building stone only found in that southern region of H.B.L., a giant number one faces northward to Bangladesh -- an eternal expression of gratitude from the people of Hoobah Boobah Land to the people of Bangladesh.

King Ralph VI's Full Title

On important occasions, such as the opening of the "Groshno" harvest festival (see entry below for more information), or Hoobah Boobah Independence Day (an entry is coming soon on that topic), a royal herald will introduce the king by his full title. I've just received a letter from King Ralph VI giving me permission to post this title on this website. Here it is:

"His most excellent greatness, shining with the light of a billion suns; source of all goodness, virtue, and perfection in our fair kingdom; ruling with the wisdom of the ages and gracing us with the benevolence of his power; protecting us with his might: his most royal of all the world's royal highnesses, King Ralph Edward Mergatroid Lesly Reginald the Sixth."

Handy Phrases in Hoobah Boobahn: Part 1

The government of Hoobah Boobah Land does not encourage tourism. I am hoping that will change in the next few years as King Ralph VI becomes more comfortable with the outside world. Start learning the language now, because it is very difficult (see previous posts).

If you ever visit H.B.L., you will want to tell people where you come from. If you are from the USA you would say:

"Selfus yogo Amerikashkazee." That means "I come from America." Note that the word for America is "Amerikashka". The suffix 'zee' is frequently added to both direct and indirect objects in a sentence, especially when you are addressing people who are socially prominent. Here is a partial list of countries in Hoobah Boobahn:

Germany: Alemaniashka
France: Gaulooshka
China: Sinosh
Canada: Canadiashooshka
Mexico: Mejikoosh
Albania: Albaniashgo
India: Indiaziizii
Italy: Garibaldiziizii
Japan: Nipponkoo

AND DON'T FORGET TO ADD "ZEE" TO THE NAME OF YOUR COUNTRY!

A note on the adjective "Florja"

Readers may be perplexed by the adjective "Florja", which has been used in some of the entries. For example, you may have read of the Florja walrus, and the vegetable Florja kale. 'Florja' means that a particular thing is native to the region surrounding the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, Florjabeesh. It usually refers to a plant or an animal, but Hoobah Boobahns also refer to 'Florja rudeness' (speitate florjabeesho), as a type of brusqueness and lack of consideration that is particularly evident among the busy citizens of the capital city.

The Groshnozkanishkafesta

The Groshnozkanishkafesta is the Autumn harvest festival in H.B.L. Really, it is a celebration of the many varieties of green vegetables that can be grown in this fertile country, particularly in the warmer northern part.

Hoobah Boobahns are very fond of green, leafy vegetables. Many Americans have a love/hate relationship with spinach, kale, and other similar vegetables. They will eat them, but they often have to be heavily disguised. Hoobah Boobahns, on the other hand, have a love/love relationship with dark green vegetables. They are the centerpiece of the national cuisine.

Every year during the second week-end in October, the Groshnozkanishkafesta (or the "Groshno", as the Hoobah Boobahns call it for short) is held on the outskirts of Florjabeesh on the Royal Fairgrounds.

Amateur and professional chefs convene on the Fairgrounds and take part in cooking contests. Judges grade their dishes, such as Flat Sea-weed Lasagna (ocean vegetables are raised and consumed in H.B.L., along with ones grown on land) and Florja Kale Fricasee. His Royal Highness, King Ralph VI, always makes an appearance, and by tradition acts as judge in one of the cook-offs. The population of Florjabeesh swells to nearly 500,000 as people from the countryside travel to the fair, which is one of the country's most important non-religious celebrations. Farmers bring in crate upon crate of Florja kale, as well as a spinach-like vegetable called itaax (used raw, in salads, as well as in a kind of spinach pie called itaaxicat); fair-goers bring their own cookware and stoves so they can participate by cooking their own versions of the dishes that the more serious chefs are making in their competitions. The National Circus performs, and of course the Royal Symphony and Opera Company. A folk-opera called Ti Itaaxiaczee Blurshz (The Happy Spinach Farmer) is performed before tens of thousands. Jugglers and musicians delight the children.

The "Groshno" lasts an entire week -- it is a national holiday, in fact. There are smaller versions of the "Groshno" in other parts of H.B.L. -- H.B.L. is a vast country, and travel can be difficult. But the one held in the capital city is the most important and prestigious one -- it has been held there continuously for almost a thousand years.

Why There Are No Games On This Website

Students have asked me why there are no games on this site, and I would like to explain, if I could.
I have a legal contract with King Ralph VI that permits me to maintain this website. Without such a contract, he never would have permitted the site to go up.
Under the terms of the contract (which I suppose I should post in full on these pages one of these days very soon) "... the website author(s) will under no circumstances depict any subject of the Kingdom of Hoobah Boobah Land in a light-hearted or disrespectful manner. Additionally, no institution, building, or other physical object located within the borders of the Kingdom of Hoobah Boobah Land will be depicted in the manner described above, or otherwise in a way that could be seen as humorous or satirical."
Until I can get the terms of this contract changed, it is unlikely that there will be any games on this website. But please know that I am working on this.

Sincerely,

Dan Schorr

How to count to ten in Hoobah Boobahn -- and how to say "sorry"

Here are the numbers from one to ten:

one: ek
two: dwy
three: troi
four: quort
five: penta
six: hexak
seven: septimuz
eight: okto
nine: mranat
ten: deezat

Go to the bottom of the page, and click "older posts" until you find the entry that explains why the Hoobah Boobah word for "one" is pretty much the same as the Bengali word for "one".

Also, if you ever get to go to Hoobah Boobah Land and you knock into someone by accident, say "plastorunz!" That means, "sorry!" or "I'm sorry!"

Street Food in Florjabeesh -- The First In A Series Of Articles About Hoobah Boobah Cuisine

Today you will meet Morshlask Brsto, a vendor of fried Florja mackerel (a delicious variety of mackerel native to the waters around Florjabeesh, the delightful, charming capital of Hoobah Boobah Land).

Morshlask is 72 years old. He lives with his wife in a homey cottage on Meeerzo island, which is one of the hundreds of small, close-together islands upon which Florjabeesh is built. His 3 children are all grown, with families of their own.

Morshlask awakens every morning at 3 AM in order to get down to the Main Fish Market when it opens. He knows that if he gets there even 5 minutes too late, he will not get the freshest Florja mackerel, or he will get none at all, and will be unable to work as a result.

He feeds his bleegoingaaak (a Hoobah Boobah animal similar to a bison) his morning oats, then hitches the animal to his vending cart and walks alongside it for 2 kilometers to the Main Fish Market. He smiles as he sees the herds of Florja walruses frolicking in the out in the water as he crosses the King Ralph I bridge. As he passes the Royal Palace, he gives the left-handed salute required under the Hoobah Boobah Constitution.

At the Main Fish Market, things are already quite busy when Morshlask arrives at 4:30 AM. He is fortunate this morning. His preferred fisherman, Truyan Shzzz, is just unloading his bountiful catch of Florja mackerel. Since Hoobah Boobah land has so little industry, and is moreover a very environmentally conscious kingdom, seafood is plentiful, even around the capital city; H.B.L.'s fisheries are not depleted, as they are in much of the rest of the world.

As you may know, the H.B. money is the grzzz. Each grzzz is divided into 72 gringledits (the equivalent of pennies). Normally, Truyan Shzzz sells his fish at the wholesale price of 2 grzzz per kilogram, but since Morshlask has been buying from him for so long, Truyan sells him mackerel at 1 grzzz, 36 gringledits per kilo.

(The abbreviation for grzzz is grz.; the abbreviation for gringledits is gr'its. You may expect to see prices listed using these abbreviations from now on in this and other articles on H.B.L.).

When Morshlask has purchased his mackerel (he buys 40 kilos -- on Saturdays he buys 75 kilos because that is market day in Florjabeesh), he takes his cart over the Antarctica Bridge to the busiest public square in the capital: Queen Wilma II Plaza. He starts a fire in his cart oven using dried, compacted peat moss as fuel, then bastes a dozen mackerel in a traditional spicy oil called spleft (since mackerel is a naturally oily fish, they need very little spleft). He coats them in delicious sea-salt harvested just outside Florjabeesh city limits, then roasts the fish on spits made from dried reeds.

Government workers begin to arrive, hungry for breakfast. Many of these workers have been thinking of nothing all morning other than Morshlask's delicious grilled Florja mackerel. They line up at his cart first, even though there are 3 other mackerel vendors there. Morshlask has a reputation as being the most skilled griller of the 4 vendors licensed by the government to sell their food in Queen Wilma II Plaza.

His fish are 1 grz. each, and he today sells out his entire stock by 11:00 AM, even though the other vendors sell theirs for 36 gr'its apiece in a vain effort to undersell Morshlask (the government workers had a larger-than-usual appetite today). He makes about 7 grz. profit per kilo, for a total profit of 240 grz. for the day: Morshlask does very well with his business.

In Hoobah Boobah Land, displaying your wealth is considered vulgar. Morshlask invests his profit in government bonds that yield 4.9% interest a year. He is actually quite well off, but like all affluent Hoobah Boobahns, his lifestyle is the same as his less well-off neighbors.

Conflict at the Hoobah Boobah/American Friendship Society

First of all, I would like to thank my family for giving me the time to travel to New Jersey once every two weeks to run the meetings of the Hoobah Boobah/American Friendship Society. We are working on many important projects at the moment, such as a letter-writing campaign to get our government to establish an embassy in Florjabeesh, the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land. (If I am chosen to be ambassador to H.B.L., I will still find time to be music teacher at P.S. 230. Maybe I will take my family to H.B.L. during school vacations -- the embassy wouldn't have to be open all year round. I could bring back souvenirs from H.B.L., such as Hoobah Boobah coins -- the money is called the grzzz.)

Unfortunately, some members of our society think the monarchy should be overthrown. They think that King Ralph VI is just like a dictator. If this were any other country, I would agree. It is true that criminal penalties are harsh (see the entry on the left-handed salute). But H.B.L. has one of the world's lowest crime rates -- in fact, for the last several years, no crimes have been committed in H.B.L. There are only 5 people in prison in the entire country. The Hoobah Boobahns, according to a recent survey, are perhaps the happiest population of any country on the planet.

It so happens that some members of the H.B.L./American Friendship Society are threatening to split off and form their own organization dedicated to ending the monarchy in Hoobah Boobah Land. I am in no position to stop them. But I will have no part in any plan to undermine the authority of a man I consider to be a kind of friend: King Ralph VI. I will go on record as saying that my former friends from the Hoobah Boobah/American Friendship Society are making a terrible mistake.

I value the freedoms guaranteed to us in the Constitution and Bill of Rights, and one day, I hope all the world's peoples can enjoy some version of the rights we have in our country. But I don't think it would be wise to oppose the rule of King Ralph VI just because Hoobah Boobah Land is not a democracy. H.B.L. has been in total isolation for over 200 years, and its government treats its citizens more humanely than at least 90% of the countries in the world. It is just starting to learn about the history and values of other countries. We should stop and think before assuming that our political system and our values would be better for Hoobah Boobah Land than the ones that are already in place.

If I have to run this organization single-handedly, in the face of everyone else's disapproval, then so be it. I believe time will prove the wisdom of my position.

Respectfully,

Daniel Schorr

Ice Wrestling: King Ralph VI's favorite sport

Dozens of people have asked me what ice wrestling is, and why King Ralph VI loves it so much.

Ice Wrestling is actually from the very southernmost part of Hoobah Boobah Land, which is the coldest part of the country, as it is nearest the South Pole. King Ralph learned it as a boy on camping trips in southern Hoobah Boobah Land.

To play, you tackle a large piece of ice that sticks up out of the ground (The minimum weight for the ice should be 300 lbs.). You may run into it, push it, pull it; you may not strike it with another object, such as a rock. You win by breaking the ice and pushing it to the ground. If you are unable to break the ice, the ice is the winner of the match.

King Ralph VI loves it because it originated among the southern tribesman of H.B.L., whom Ralph admires for their fierceness and independence. He goes on 3 ice wrestling expeditions every year.

The Gentle Side of King Ralph VI

As I mentioned in the last post, King Ralph VI is a fearsome man. If you mispronounce his name, King Ralph can arrest you. He has wrestled a 700-pound Florja walrus to the ground (this variety of walrus lives around the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, Florjabeesh) [see earlier posts about Florjabeesh]. He is known for his bad temper. If his morning coffee does not contain enough sugar for his liking, he will fling the entire coffee tray out the window of his castle; his roar of anger would be loud enough to set off car alarms, if they had car alarms in Hoobah Boobah Land (which they don't).

But he has a gentle side as well. He is one of the world's most accomplished collectors of rare butterflies; the butterfly conservatory in the royal palace contains over 300 species of butterflies, which the king takes care of himself (with help). He also plays a banjo-like instrument called the plukthronst; he sings and plays his plukthronst for the children who are allowed to come into the castle on certain holidays (like Hoobah Boobah Independence Day). His daughters, Lola and Layla, also love to hear him play the plukthronst -- King Ralph is a devoted father, and in a few months the king and queen will be welcoming a third child into their family.

Once he placed a band-aid on the skinned knee of a child who fell off his bicycle in front of the royal palace (Afterwards he patted the boy on his head, and sent him on his way with a lollipop -- you would not like Hoobah Boobah lollipops: they are fish-flavored).

By the way, there is no such thing as a bicycle in H.B.L.; bikes have 3 wheels, not like our own tricycles, but 3 wheels in a straight row, so you still have to balance, as you would on a bike. The word for 'bike' is broxckowleggiano.

King Ralph is a complicated man who loves his country and is proud of its history. He does not allow many of the freedoms that we enjoy in this country, but he wants his citizens to be well-fed and happy. You should see the earlier post on the great happiness experienced by the citizens of Hoobah Boobah Land...

A Profile Of King Ralph VI, His Most Royal Highness and Most Benevolent Ruler Of Hoobah Boobah Land

I had to negotiate with King Ralph VI for 2 years to start this web page. He is a proud man and a proud ruler of a thousand year-old kingdom; his family is one of the oldest royal houses in the world. He believes in tradition, mistrusting much of what the modern world has to offer. He holds 100% control of the government -- all decisions, ranging from school lunch menu choices to military spending, are made by him. He is intimidating personally, standing 6 feet, 11 inches tall and weighing 275 pounds, every ounce made out of pure muscle that he builds by practicing the ancient Hoobah Boobah sport of ice wrestling. This is a man you do not want to anger, regardless of the weakness of his country's military. I have been on the receiving end of his rage many times, and if his anger in person is as volcanic as his letters sometimes can be, I feel sorry for those poor officials who have to work under him (I have never met King Ralph VI face to face. There is no internet in H.B.L., which is why I have no fear that he will read this and get even more angry.).

Would you believe that he has his gentle side as well? More on this later...

Nightlife in Florjabeesh

Florjabeesh is the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land. It is built on hundreds of small islands that are very close together; the water separating these islands is so narrow that Florjabeesh could have the nickname "The Venice of Antarctica", because the waters between the islands are similar to canals. Unfortunately, no one from Hoobah Boobah Land has ever been to Venice, Italy, and vice versa; this is why that nickname has never been applied to the city of Florjabeesh.

I also say, with regret, that Florjabeesh has almost no nightlife. Hoobah Boobahns are an overly practical people, and get so much satisfaction out of their daily lives that they see no need to "party" after their work is done (see the entry on the happiness of the Hoobah Boobah population). The Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land gives concerts about 10 times a year, and that's about it for public entertainment.

Education in Hoobah Boobah Land

Education, unfortunately, has not been a priority of His Majesty's government. H.B.L. is a low-technology society, with no internet or other information technology, and little machinery that we would call advanced. With an economy based on raising geese for down feathers and basic agriculture, there has never been a need for a highly-educated population.

All children must attend school from ages 6 through 14. There is a month-long break in the late spring for the goose down harvest. Subjects studied include Hoobah Boobah Language and Literature (the language is so difficult that students spend 80% of their time on this subject), along with basic math, as well as English as the one foreign language (Australia and New Zealand are H.B.L.'s main trading partners).

You should see earlier posts about the Hoobah Boobah economy...

After finishing primary school, most students leave school (if you who are reading this are in school, I highly advise you to complete as much education as possible, for our job market and society require a well-educated population in order to thrive. And Hoobah Boobah Land does not allow foreigners to become citizens!). However, there are some higher-level institutes devoted to agriculture and oceanography, as well as to translation. The Royal Institute of Law allows a hand-picked few to study to be lawyers and judges; there is a Royal Government Service Academy, which allows only about 25 students a year to take a 12-year course in how to run the government. Some students at the R.G.S.A. learn accounting and finance; they learn to be as good at calculating figures with the Hoobah Boobah version of the abacus as most Americans are with calculators.

There is a Royal Military Academy, but since the military of Hoobah Boobah Land is mostly ceremonial, students do not learn war strategy and weaponry, but mainly parading and equestrian sports. The Royal Merchant Marine of Hoobah Boobah Land is extremely important, however, as it trains officers to sail the vessels that export goose down to Australia and New Zealand. Ever since the terrible naval defeat of the 1790's, however, Hoobah Boobah Land has had only a tiny naval force of about 10 ships, some of which are sailboats.

As Hoobah Boobah Land has no oil, gas, minerals, timber, or other valuable resources, it has never been threatened militarily by another nation, besides Denmark (see earlier posts). Indeed, in a recent survey of over 100 major world leaders, 99% claimed not to have heard of Hoobah Boobah Land -- only the Prime Minister of Denmark said he vaguely remembered reading about H.B.L. as a school boy.

The Hoobah Boobah National Anthem

Here is a translation of the lyrics to the Hoobah Boobah National Anthem:

Hoobah Boobah Land is

The most beautiful country

Hoobah Boobah Land is where I'm from

It has many rivers

They are full of lovely fish

It has great mountains

Covered in tall trees

Hoobah Boobah Land is home sweet home

There is actually a second verse to the H.B.N.A., but I figured this would be enough to give you the flavor of this stirring piece of music.

Note: Hoobah Boobah Land actually is treeless, and it doesn't have mountains. When the H.B.N.A. was composed, in 1852, the king loved it so much he would not permit the lines about mountains and trees to be taken out.

King Ralph VI, the present king of H.B.L., gave me permission 2 years ago to teach the P.S. 230 4th graders how to play the H.B.N.A. on the recorder.

Hoobah Boobah Money

The currency of H.B.L. is the Grzzz (pronounced grr-shz). As of today, 1 grzzz was worth $1.03.

Fascinating Customs of Hoobah Boobah Land

The Left-handed Salute...

In our culture, left-handedness has often been viewed with suspicion and disdain. This is not true in H.B.L. In H.B.L., left-handedness is prized, and right-handedness is viewed as ordinary, even worthless. This is even though most people in H.B.L. are right-handed, as is the case throughout most of the world (if not all of it).

Soldiers in the H.B. military salute with their left hand; right-handed salutes are punishable by court-martial (up until about 1900, execution was sometimes the punishment for a right-handed salute).

At baseball games (yes, baseball is considered the national sport in H.B.L., as it is in the U.S.), fans place their left hand over their heart when singing the Hoobah Boobah National Anthem (the lyrics to the H.B.N.A. will be posted shortly). Even accidental placement of the right hand over the heart is punished by immediate and forceful ejection from the stadium, plus a heavy fine. If the offender has any prior criminal record, even for minor offenses such as jaywalking, jail time will be imposed.

To all students doing research on Hoobah Boobah Land

Dear Students:

I'm sure that you already know most of the vocabulary words you encounter ('encounter' is a synonym of 'find') on this website. But on the off chance you don't understand a word, use the context clues reading strategy to make a good guess at the word's meaning. For example, in this sentence The Danish navy obliterated the Hoobah Boobah navy in the late 1700's, you could probably guess that 'obliterate' means to cause damage or harm, because, after all, that is what navies do to one another. That is close enough to the real meaning of the word to understand the sentence, so you could then move on with your study and research on Hoobah Boobah Land.

Actually, 'obliterate' means to destroy completely, which is what the Danish navy did to the H.B.L. navy just a little over 200 years ago.

Hoobah Boobah Land is an excellent research topic! Good choice!

97% of Hoobah Boobahns 18 and older report themselves "extremely happy"

In a recent public opinion survey, over 97% of all Hoobah Boobahns aged 18 to 72 reported themselves "extremely happy" or "ecstatic" with their lives. This is far higher than the proportion of "extremely happy" adults in almost all other countries, and makes Hoobah Boobah Land possibly the happiest nation on earth. 2% said they were merely "happy"; .75% said they were happy "most of the time"; only .25% said they were "unhappy" more than half the time.

This result is remarkable for many reasons. Hoobah Boobahns cannot vote or otherwise participate in governmental decision-making. Most consumer goods are unheard of, or non-existent. And while the country is warmer than the rest of Antarctica, it is hardly balmy, with a yearly average temperature of 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Welcome To Hoobah Boobah Land!

It's a great day! The government of His Most Royal Highness King Ralph VI has at last given consent for an internet source for history, culture, and tourism of one of the world's least well understood and most underappreciated nations, Hoobah Boobah Land. From this point onward, this will be the only place on the internet for all things related to this kingdom, the only sovereign nation on the continent of Antarctica.If you're as happy as I am, express your appreciation here.



Sincerely,
Dan Schorr

Two more handy words in Hoobah Boobahn

Hoobah Boobah word for "Yes": "Moizhe"

Hoobah Boobah word for "No": "Nishka"

Social Status in Hoobah Boobah Land

Some people have been wondering which jobs have the most social status in Hoobah Boobah Land. Here is a partial list:

HIGH STATUS PROFESSIONS (MOST RESPECTED):
king; oceanographer; veterinarian specializing in avian diseases; grass cutter (many H.B. ceremonies involve cutting grass with ornamental scythes); large-scale goose farmer (see entry on H.B. economy); translator (see entry on difficulty of H.B. language)

MEDIUM STATUS PROFESSIONS (SOMEWHAT RESPECTED):
medium-scale goose farmer; goose herder (works for goose farmers); tennis coach; judge (though judges have slightly more status than people in the other professions listed here)

LOW STATUS PROFESSIONS (NOT RESPECTED):
Surprisingly, the professions and walks of life that have low status in Hoobah Boobah Land are, by and large, the same ones that have low status in the United States.

If you read the entry on the Hoobah Boobah Language, you will see that your social ranking, along with the social ranking of the person you are addressing, will determine the form of the nouns you use in your sentences.

2 out of the thousands of interesting facts about Hoobah Boobah Land

Fun facts about Hoobah Boobah Land:

1. The word for the number "1" is "ek", which is similar to the Bengali word for "1". Sailors from what is now Bangladesh were shipwrecked in Hoobah Boobah Land around the year 1500. The Hoobah Boobah language did not have a word for the number 1; the Bengali sailors gave the Hoobah Boobah people their word for "1" out of gratitude for Hoobah Boobah hospitality.

2. Hoobah Boobah Land lost a major naval battle with a Danish expeditionary force in 1792.

The Hoobah Boobah Language -- It's Challenging!!

The Hoobah Boobah language is very difficult. The few foreigners who have attempted to learn it have quit in frustration. The following is an example of its difficulty.

The basic H.B. word for "peanut butter sandwich" is 'nurskbeglaya'. Hoobah Boobah land is a very heirarchical society (meaning that people are ranked very strictly according to profession, age, and other measures); there are over 100 social ranks in formal, written Hoobah Boobahn -- though there are fewer ranks in regions that are remote from the coast. However, since the economy relies on goose farming almost exclusively (see the other entries on H.B.L.), the people enjoy, for the most part, equality of wealth; personal wealth is not a measure of status in Hoobah Boobah Land, as it is in some other countries.

'Peanut butter sandwich' is obviously a noun, and in the H.B. language, a noun changes form radically depending on what kind of person you are connecting with that noun. If you translate 'I made a p.b. sandwich for the judge', the word for 'p.b. sandwich' is 'nurskbeglinglaya'; in this sentence: 'the tennis coach ate a p.b. sandwich', the word becomes 'nurskaburskabeglaya'. Even native speakers of Hoobah Boobahn avoid saying the equivalent of 'the oceanographer is making a p.b. sandwich for me', because you have to include your own social rank, along with that of the oceanographer (oceanagraphers have very high social status in H.B.L.); in that sentence, 'p.b. sandwich' becomes 'nurskaburskabeglingyayazeenshtebyn'. That is, this is how you would write 'p.b. sandwich' if you are a student of nursing; it would change if you were in a different profession.

If you think this is confusing, then just try to figure out verbs in Hoobah Boohban (there are over 15,000 irregular verbs, and dozens of tenses). Believe me, you don't want to know!