America and Hoobah Boobah Land: A One-Sided Friendship

The United States has tried to make Hoobah Boobah Land its friend and ally many times. Each time it has failed. Hoobah Boobah Land is just too untrusting of the outside world.

Part 1: America discovers Hoobah Boobah Land

In 1885, during the administration of the 22nd President, Grover Cleveland, a US Navy exploration ship discovered Florjabeesh, the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land. The captain tried to row into the harbor, but he was warned away by the Hoobah Boobah Navy (even though the captain was waving a white flag!)

Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th President of the United States of America

Part 2: America tries once again to befriend Hoobah Boobah Land

In 1958, a US spy submarine approached the coast of Hoobah Boobah Land under cover of night. Somehow, the Hoobah Boobahns were alerted to the presence of the submarine, and turned off all the house lights in the area nearest the submarine. The submarine sent a signal of friendship by short-wave radio, but there was no response. As soon as the submarine sailed away, there were three days of celebration.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, the 34th President of the United States, wrote a memo to himself when he was told of the Hoobah Boobahns' unfriendliness: "I have never felt so insulted in all my life!"

Dwight David Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States of America

Part 3: President Richard Nixon tries to make friendly contact with Hoobah Boobah Land in 1973

President Nixon was famous for being the first American president to visit China after China got a communist government in 1949 (Nixon visited in 1972). He thought that if he could visit China, he could visit Hoobah Boobah Land. He had the ambassador to Australia write a letter to the King of Hoobah Boobah Land. But the letter was returned unopened. Nixon resigned from the presidency on August 9th, 1974, before he had another chance to try to visit Hoobah Boobah Land.

Richard Milhous Nixon, the 37th President of the United States of America

It seems doubtful that President-elect Barack Obama will send his Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton, to try to meet with King Ralph VI, the ruler of Hoobah Boobah Land.

Meet the Grishnazxzx Family!

Hello everyone! I'd like you to meet the Grishnazxzx family (by the way, here's how you pronounce their name: 'grishna-six-six'). They live in the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, which is called Florjabeesh. Mr. Grishnazxzx is a veterinarian. He treats pets, but also large animals like geese and bleegoingaaaks. (Bleegoingaaaks are the 3-horned, 2-tailed buffalo-like creatures that supply Hoobah Boobah Land's milk and butter). Mrs. Grishnazxzx is a teacher at P.S. 500, one of the worst schools in Hoobah Boobah Land -- that is why she is not smiling as broadly as the other family members in the picture. There are two children in the Grishnazxzx family: Meetra, age 17, and Paoluxkosh, age 9. Mrs. Grishnazxzx's mother, Leeeelaya, also lives with the family. She is very kind (however, she was not included in this portrait).

An archaeological discovery!

Recently, archaeologists have discovered evidence that in about 11,000 BC, there was one ruler over all the primitive tribes that lived in present-day Hoobah Boobah Land. The scientists believe his name was Louxpakaxoxz. Louxpakaxoxz started out as the ruler of the tribe of Wxaker, which was the largest and best-organized tribe in the part of Antarctica that makes up the modern country of Hoobah Boobah Land. It is not known how he was able to gain the loyalty of the other tribes. Scientists also could not figure out how long his reign was. However, the tribes were believed to have become independent once again after Louxpakaxoxz's death. Hoobah Boobah Land would not be unified for another 10,000 years.


A burial site was discovered in a bog on the outskirts of the Hoobah Boobah capital, Florjabeesh; this site is believed to have been made specially for Louxpakaxoxz. It was much larger than an ordinary gravesite, and it was much better preserved. It contained gifts that seem to have come from many different parts of present-day Hoobah Land. For example, the remains of a washing-machine made out of tough grasses and sticks that historically was only used in the southern region of Nuktor (a version of this device is still used by older residents of that region) called a vx was found there. A penguin trap that probably came from eastern Hoobah Boobah Land was also found. Also, an ornamental spear was placed next to the remains of the person buried in the site. This would only have been given to a person of royal rank (this spear would have been called a wxaxy in ancient Hoobah Boobahn). The skeletal remains were about 6 feet, 11 inches in length -- Hoobah Boobah legend states that the greatest ruler of pre-historic Hoobah Boobah Land was extraordinarily tall, so the remains could well have been Louxpakoxoxz's (Louxpakoxoxz is believed to be a legendary name, though his real name might have been similar). However, since there was no writing system in Hoobah Boobah Land in 11,000 BC, and the art inside the tomb was faded, there is no way to be certain that the body in the tomb was Louxpakoxoxz's.

Scientists believe that all these objects were offered in tribute to Louxpakoxoxz upon his death. Since the offerings came from all over Hoobah Boobah Land, it is very possible that the different tribes were showing loyalty to the royal family of that time -- they probably would not have done this unless Louxpakoxoxz had actually been their ruler. It is not certain as to whether Louxpakoxoxz fully ruled the country, or whether he just had alliances with all the other tribes.

This is the most important archaeological discovery in Hoobah Boobah Land in the last 100 years. While the legend of Louxpakoxoxz has always been thought to have been based on a real person, this discovery definitely gives more proof that Louxpakoxoxz actually did live in pre-historic Hoobah Boobah Land, and that he ruled over the entire country.

A Note About The Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor

The masterpiece that was performed last Saturday night by the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land, the "Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor", has a very difficult key signature. Would you believe there are 7 flats in this key signature? This means that every single note you play has to be a flat. Here is a link showing the key signature for A-flat minor. (A-flat minor has the same key signature as C-flat major.)

The Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor is rarely performed, because musicians have a hard time remembering to play all those flat notes. At the Royal Command Performance of last Saturday night, King Ralph VI personally requested the Reed Flute Concerto. Needless to say, the Royal Symphony could not turn down his request. However, the orchestra usually prefers to play composer Milityosh Probonizh's Symphony #3 in C Major. The first movement is in C major; the second movement is in A minor (same key signature as C major); the third movement is in G major; the fourth movement goes back to C major.

Princess Lola After The Performance Of The Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land

I have mentioned before that photography is illegal in Hoobah Boobah Land. I have also mentioned that Princess Lola is a role model to many Hoobah Boobah children.

A very talented Hoobah Boobah elementary school student was waiting patiently for Lola to appear at the entrance to the Royal Palace last Saturday night, after the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land's performance. Lola was gracious enough to pose for this young artist for 30 whole minutes! (Normally, the public must wait for the special week-end viewings of the royal family to make this kind of portrait.)

It occurs to me that this picture is very different from the portrait of Princess Lola you see a few posts below. My explanation: different artist, different interpretation of the subject.

Princess Lola's Pet

In Hoobah Boobah Land, the word for 'dog' is 'canushxxshook' (it's very hard to pronounce, just do your best). This is Princess Lola's canushxxshook, which is called Lolee. As you can see, this animal has wings (however, the canushxxshook can not fly). Not pictured are the animal's six tails.

Lolee is wearing a bib that Princess Lola knitted herself. Lola must have been concentrating so hard on her knitting that she forgot the two h's in Hoobah Boobah Land. But you should know that Princess Lola is very talented. Not only can she knit, but she is a great baseball player.

Triumphant Performance of the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land!

At the conclusion of last night's masterful performance by the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land, the beloved conductor Haaarixicat Xylizzzx received a standing ovation. The great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson of featured composer Milityosh Proboniszh, Xrlock Proboniszh, mounted the stage, and personally thanked the orchestra for its masterful rendition of his distinguished ancestor's masterpiece, the Concerto for Reed Flute in A flat minor. He then handed a bouquet of flowers to the featured soloist, the renowned reed flute master Earch Ywlooshian.

The applause and cheers of the royal family were especially noticeable.

How did I receive news of the concert so soon after it was over? Normally, it takes 2 weeks for news to travel from Hooobah Boobah Land. However, the Minister of Culture took the kingdom's only BlackBerry (yes, there is only one cell phone in the entire country -- and it doesn't even work in Hoobah Boobah Land!). He boarded the Hoobah Boobah navy's only submarine, the H.B.S. Yppah, and sailed 300 kilometers to get cell phone service. He then text-messaged these details about the concert to me. It must have been a very good concert for him to have done that!

A Concert In Hoobah Boobah Land!

Tomorrow evening, November 1st, 2008 (in the Hoobah Boobah calendar, that would be the 42nd day of the Hoobah Boobah month of Moxdaxk -- you can see the earlier post on the construction of the Hoobah Boobah calendar, which is very different from our calendar), the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land will be performing at the Royal Palace for the King Ralph VI and his family, along with an exclusive audience of a few hundred other guests.

The orchestra will first perform the Hoobah Boobah national anthem. The program will also feature a piece by Hoobah Boobah Land's greatest composer, Milityosh Probonizh. Tomorrow night they will play his masterpiece, the Concerto for Reed Flute in A flat minor (the reed flute is an instrument native to Hoobah Boobah Land, similar to the Australian Aborigine instrument, the didgeridoo).

The conductor is one of the few women to lead a major orchestra anywhere in the world. 77 year-old Haaarixicat Xylizzzx has been conductor and music director of the Royal Symphony for almost 40 years.

Tomorrow, she will say sternly, "Bokko Cheechnynya!" to the musicians (that means "listen everyone"). She will tap her baton sharply, and shout, "Ek, dwy, pleeky florz!" (that means, "one, two, ready, go). When each piece is finished, the audience will shout "Skreekaz Haaarixicatzee!" (which means, "great job, Haaarixicat").

The conductor of the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land is so beloved, everyone just calls her 'Haaarixicat', and not 'Mrs. Xylizzzx'.

Last week-end, another talented youngster drew this portrait of the heir to the Hoobah Boobah throne: Princess Lola. Princess Lola is 11 years old. Her dress has the royal seal of Hoobah Boobah Land, which shows a waterfall and mountains, which, strangely, don't actually exist anywhere in that country. The motto reads "Ek Hoobahboobahlandzee", which means "One Hoobah Boobah Land". Princess Lola is usually ranked as one of the most admired Hoobah Boobahns under age 25. She is said to be delightful company.

A View Of Princess Abby, Youngest Child Of King Ralph VI and Queen Gertrude

Princess Abby is almost one year old. She has just begun walking, and can even say a few words -- amazing feats for such a young baby.
Every Saturday morning, small groups are permitted into the Royal Palace to view Princess Abby, along with any other royal family members who happen to be present that day. Photography is not permitted (in fact, cameras are very rare in Hoobah Boobah Land). However, children under the age of 14 are allowed to draw pictures of royal family members. Here is one by a Hoobah Boobah elementary school student. (I have been told that a picture of Abby's older sister, Lola, is on its way.)

How Do We Get Information About Hoobah Boobah Land?

The process of getting information about Hoobah Boobah Land to The United States takes anywhere from 3-6 months.

There is no internet in Hoobah Boobah Land, so e-mails to and from that country are obviously out of the question. King Ralph VI must personally approve any information about his kingdom before it gets placed on this website.

I send a letter to a contact person in New Zealand (New Zealand is one of two countries that imports goose-down feathers from Hoobah Boobah Land). This letter is a formal request for information from the Hoobah Boobah Royal Ministry of Information -- the letter must be notarized by a Notary Public, otherwise it will be returned with no reply from the Hoobah Boobah government. My New Zealand contact, whose identity may not be revealed, hands the letter over to the captain of a departing Hoobah Boobah goose-down freighter. The captain brings it back to Hoobah Boobah Land, where the letter is personally delivered to the Royal Palace by royal courier.

The king personally selects a topic to be put in his reply, for example, baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land.

The Minister of Information will have his workers do research and write a short non-fiction piece about the topic. The non-fiction piece is personally approved by King Ralph, then put in small safe, whose combination is only known by me. The safe is brought by royal courier to an outgoing goose-feather ship bound for New Zealand. My contact in New Zealand picks up the safe and sends it to me, usually by DHL.

I burn whatever documents were in the safe as soon as I make my post on hoobahboobahland.blogspot.com. This is to keep them from falling into the wrong hands.

P.S. 500: One Of The Worst Schools In Hoobah Boobah Land

In the last post, you learned about the inappropriate behavior some children show in Hoobah Boobah Land schools. Let me introduce you to P.S. 500 (also known as The Kennesheex Huzzz School -- it's named after the great Hoobah Boobah baseball player Kennesheex ("Kenny") Huzzz).

P.S. 500 is perhaps the worst school in Hoobah Boobah Land. The principal is 4 feet, 8 inches tall and weighs 280 pounds. He also wears a toupee. The children throw watermelon rinds at him when he walks through the cafeteria, knocking off his toupee! No teacher wants to teach there, because the children are completely uncontrollable: they dance on tables and scream out bad words in the Hoobah Boobah language (sorry, I would not feel right teaching you what those words are).

P.S. 500 is located at the edge of Florjabeesh, Hoobah Boobah Land's capital. The Royal Ministry of Education is investigating the school, and is considering a plan to close it down. The children of P.S. 500 would then go to other schools. The problem is that no other schools want those children to come to their school.

If Kennesheex Huzzz were alive today, he would be ashamed!

3-Wheeled Hoobah Boobah Bicycle

In the Hoobah Boobah language, the word for bicycle is broxckowleggiano. Note that there is a third wheel in the rear of the bike. This third wheel does not aid in balance or speed, and does not provide that much more traction; rather, you could say this third wheel is Hoobah Boobah Land's cultural contribution to the world of bicycle riding.

This is a child's drawing of a broxckowleggiano. It is illegal to export photographs of Hoobah Boobah Land in any form.

How Children Behave In School in Hoobah Boobah Land

You may be wondering what it's like to be a child in Hoobah Boobah Land. Well, you might not like it very much -- that is, if you watch a lot of TV, play video games, and use the computer. Since electricity barely exists, there is only one TV station, only a few hundred TVs in the whole country, and the internet is illegal (did you know this website can not be viewed in Hoobah Boobah Land?), you would be out of luck. However, if you like to ride strange bicycles (see the posting from early May that discusses Hoobah Boobah 'bicycles'), play old-fashioned games, go fishing, or go on rides on the Hoobah Boobah species of buffalo known as a bleegoingaak, then you would love it there. Hoobah Boobah children live the simple life that we led 150 years ago. Their lives have not been changed by technology.

But, strangely, Hoobah Boobah children are very naughty in school. They are constantly giggling and getting distracted. They play tricks on the teacher (I don't even want to say what those are). No matter how strict the rules of school may be, they have no effect on the misbehaving students of Hoobah Boobah Land's schools. The children are always getting detention, but punishment has no effect on their behavior.

Perhaps this is because education is not as important in Hoobah Boobah Land as it should be (see the earlier post on Hoobah Boobah education). Let me just say that I am glad I teach in Brooklyn, NY, not Hoobah Boobah Land!

School Lunch In Hoobah Boobah Land

Hoobah Boobah Land is practically a waste-free society. Food products and other items are almost never sold in wrappers. The country uses no oil (only natural gas for heating and running its railway system); therefore, plastic bags are not made there, nor are they imported into the country. When Hoobah Boobahns shop, they use burlap bags, or traditional craft bags made out of the sturdy grasses that are so plentiful throughout the northern part of the country.

The Hoobah Boobahns also have an attitude towards food that is very different from our own. For one thing, they rarely snack between meals, and they don't eat junk food.

Hoobah Boobah children are not 'goody two-shoes' who never eat junk food because they prefer to eat vegetables, fruits, and other healthful foods. It is simply that they have never been exposed to chips, candy, and other treats that are common in our society. And believe me, they are even more mischievous than children in other countries! The after-school detention rooms in Hoobah Boobah schools are filled to capacity every day (I will try to explain why this happens in another post).

A typical lunch at school would include roast goose with wild cranberry dressing (Hoobah Boobah Cranberries are very tart, and less sugar is used in Hoobah Boobah cranberry sauce than in the United States), wild marsh rice (harvested from the marshes around the Hoobah Boobah capital, Florjabeesh), and itaaxicat, a kind of spinach pie made from the Hoobah Boobah national vegetable, which is similar to spinach (see posting of 10/31/07). To drink, the children have melted glacier water, brought up by rail from the southern region of Nuktor.

They will have dessert, however. They will have an ice-cream made from bleegoingaak milk (scroll down to see illustration of the bleegoingaak, or go to March postings).

The meal is served on china, and the kids use real silverware. The meal is closely monitored to make sure the children behave appropriately during the meal. The children are allowed to talk, so don't worry, the atmosphere is not completely strict.

More on Hoobah Boobah Land Sports...

Recently I profiled Hoobah Boobah baseball. On October 19th, 2007, I wrote about Hoobah Boobah Land's other major sport: ice wrestling.

The third most popular sport in H.B.L. is a kind of soccer called kyyiibyi (pronounced 'ky-yi-bye-yee'). In this game, there are three goals on each side. There are also three balls in play at once, and 15 players per side. The balls are about the same size as beach balls (though with about the same weight as a regulation soccer ball).

The basic rules are -- amazingly -- similar to our own game of soccer. A couple of minor differences: when one of the 3 balls goes out of bounds, the game continues with the other two balls while the throw-in takes place with the ball that went out; similarly, if there is a penalty kick with one ball, regulation play continues with the other two balls.

As you would expect, the field is much wider in kyyiibyi. The games are also much higher-scoring than in regular soccer.

This game is only played in amateur leagues.

The Hoobah Boobah Baseball Hall of Fame

Hoobah Boobah Land does not have its own baseball hall of fame, as we Americans do at Cooperstown, NY. But it has had some great players in the 700-year history of professional Hoobah Boobah baseball. Here are some profiles of a few of these Hoobah Boobah sports legends:

1. Kennesheex Huzzz. "Kenny" Huzzz played for the Florjabeesh Islanders from 1301 to 1325 (the team was founded, in fact, in 1301; Kenny was an original Islander). Kenny played all positions, as most players did in Hoobah Boobah baseball up until about 1960. He had a lifetime batting average of .401. As a pitcher he had a lifetime E.R.A. of 3.56, which was actually astoundingly good for Hoobah Boobah baseball (in Hoobah Boobah baseball, you get a walk on 3 balls, but it takes 4 strikes to strike out, which puts pitchers at an obvious disadvantage).

Kennesheex Huzzz was one of the most revered Hoobah Boobahns of the 14th century. "The Ballad of Kenny Huzzz" is one of the most beloved verses of all Hoobah Boobah literature. Even to this very day, Hoobah Boobah children set this poem to memory (we Americans should get back in the habit of memorizing poetry).

2. Earch Zxyxlack. Earch "Whiff" Zxyxlack was the greatest Hoobah Boobah baseball player of the 16th century, and perhaps the best all-round player who ever played for the Nuktor Ice-Wrestlers. With 604 homeruns and 2,967 hits lifetime, he was also one of the best defensive players in the history of the game, with a 502-game no-error streak.

3. Xuxtlen Badton. Mauchtoozxziizee is Hoobah Boobah Land's easternmost province, and also its smallest. The provincial capital of Mauchtoozxz has only had a professional baseball team since 1806; its team, the Mauchtoozxz Goose Traders, has never won a national championship -- a drought that puts the travails of the Chicago Cubs into perspective.

The Goose Traders had a long-serving, long-suffering, but beloved manager, Xuxtlen Badton, who headed the hapless team throughout 55 seasons (from 1888 through 1943). Even when his team went 4-86 in 1912, there were no calls for him to be fired. If anything, public support for him seemed to increase when the Goose Traders had lopsided losing seasons.

On his retirement, the King of Hoobah Boobah Land knighted "Xuxy" Badton. 'Sir Xuxy' died in 1946.

Professional Baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land

Professional baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land has a rich history, dating from the late 13th century and continuing on up to this day.

All professional games take place in one stadium, Stalactushzz stadium, near the Royal Palace, in the capital, Florjabeesh. Teams are organized in the different geographical regions of H.B.L. Florja, the most populous province, has the most teams, but Nuktor, the remote southern province, has its own team: The Nuktor Ice-Wrestlers.

The teams travel to Florjabeesh, and play a week's worth of games at Stalactushzz stadium. Fans either travel to the capital to watch, or watch on one of the country's few television sets. Many listen to radio broadcasts of the games.

The Origin of Baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land

As different as Hoobah Boobah Land is from the United States, Hoobah Boobahns nonetheless are baseball fanatics. How is this possible? Hoobah Boobah Land has had minimal contact with the outside world.

Baseball was brought to other countries by American servicemen. Now, some of the best players in the Major Leagues come from outside the United States. But how did the Hoobah Boobahns learn about baseball without anyone teaching it to them?

The answer comes from the branch of mathematics known as probability. If you flip a coin 1000 times, it will land on the tails side about 500 times. But if you flip that same coin 1000 times for an infinite number of 1000-flip sets, eventually it will be tails 1000 times. It might take countless trillions of 1000-flip trials, but eventually, it will happen.

This is the explanation for baseball in Hoobah Boobah Land. In this incredible example of probability theory at work, Hoobah Boobah Land developed the game of baseball, with the exact same rules, the exact same field dimensions, and the exact same number of players each side as in the American game. And it all happened completely by chance!

There are a couple of minor differences between Hoobah Boobah baseball and American baseball. The most notable of these is that there are 3 balls and 4 strikes per at bat, which obviously favors batters over pitchers (it also explains why complete-game shut-outs are very rare, and why no pitcher has ever pitched a perfect game in the 700-year history of Hoobah Boobah baseball). The composition of the baseballs themselves is also slightly different from American baseballs.

Sometime in the future I shall profile some of the great players of Hoobah Boobah baseball.

The Bleegoingaaak

Above is an artist's rendition of the most important animal in Hoobah Boobah culture, the Bleegoingaaak. This 5-horned, twin-tailed animal provides the main form of transportation in Hoobah Boobah Land -- its top speed is 50 miles an hour, and can travel 5 times farther than a horse without having to be fed and watered. Bleegoingaaak cows provide milk and butter of far higher quality than the best organic milk and butter that is available to us. The Hoobah Boobahns use of Bleegoingaaaks instead of automobiles is the main reason that Hoobah Boobah Land has the smallest "carbon footprint" of any country on Earth.

Unusual Wildlife of Hoobah Boobah Land, Part II

The wiimpash is a mouse-like aquatic mammal that inhabits the underground streams and rivers of Hoobah Boobah land. Underground streams and rivers are much more common than those above ground, probably because so much of the plant life consists of grasses with complex, tough root systems that make it difficult for waterways to carve paths through the earth. The root systems of native Hoobah Boobah grasses make it so Hoobah Boobah Land has very little erosion -- it has probably the lowest rate of soil loss of any country on the planet. Then again, since most countries have not bothered to measure their soil loss, there is no true way of comparing H.B.L.'s erosion rate to that of any other country.

Erosion is usually measured in grams of soil eroded per hectare (to my American readers: the hectare is the unit of land area measurement in the metric system). Actually, I was doing some research, and it turns out only two countries aside from Hoobah Boobah Land have determined their Annual Soil Loss Quotient (usually referred to as A.S.L.Q.): Latvia and Nepal.

Perhaps I will discuss soil erosion on another occasion. For now, back to the wiimpash, the aquatic mouse.

The wiimpash feeds mainly on roots that grow out of the roofs of the underground streams it inhabits. It has webbed paws, as well as webbing where its limbs join to its body. It normally grows to about 20 centimeters in length. It has poor vision, but very acute hearing. It seldom bites, preferring to swim or scurry away at the first sign of danger.

Females give birth only once in their lifetimes, which makes the wiimpash quite different from ordinary mice in other countries, which breed abundantly and often.

Wiimpashes are unsatisfying pets, since they strongly prefer darkness. Also, it is almost impossible to recreate the wiimpash habitat in a terrarium. In another posting I will describe the kinds of pets Hoobah Boobahns prefer (obviously, not the wiimpash).

Hoobah Boobah Navy's Submarine In Heroic Rescue

The H.B.S. (Hoobah Boobah Ship) "Yppah", the submarine recently acquired by the Hoobah Boobah navy, has just been involved in rescuing a half-dozen thrill-seekers who were apparently trying to reach Hoobah Boobah Land in a motor-yacht.

6 young people from an undisclosed South American country tried to steer a large pleasure boat towards the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, Florjabeesh. The boat, which belonged to the family of one of the wealthy youngsters, was in danger of capsizing in rough waters off the Hoobah Boobah coast. The "Yppah" was sent to the scene, and a rescue team was able to bring the frightened, wet youngsters aboard before they were harmed.

The 6 young men and women, whose names are not being revealed by the Hoobah Boobah government, were dried off, fed, and brought to within 1000 meters of the coast of their home country (I guess this tells you that the country was not Bolivia or Paraguay, doesn't it?). The "Yppah" sent a distress signal on an internationally recognized radio frequency, then placed the six grateful South Americans in a rescue dinghy. The "Yppah" submerged and moved off by one kilometer so it could be close enough to make sure that the dinghy was picked up (it was, by a helicopter of the South American country's navy). The "Yppah" then returned to port.

The Royal Government of Hoobah Boobah Land wishes to discourage, in the strongest possible terms, anyone from trying to reach Hoobah Boobah Land by any means, but particularly by sea. The waters off the coast of H.B.L. are treacherous.

Hoobah Boobah Land: A Role-Model For Environmental Stewardship

As the nations of the Earth begin to awaken to the very real dangers presented by global warming, we should all take notice of the example that Hoobah Boobah Land has set for us all in the arena of environmental protection. If other countries would follow Hoobah Boobah Land's lead, the atmosphere's carbon dioxide level would be far lower than it is today, and we would not be threatened by rapid climate change.

You may have noted from earlier posts that Hoobah Boobah Land's population is very small in relation to its very large territory. In many other parts of the world, rapid population growth continues, forcing humans to encroach upon natural areas, to overuse their natural resources, and to pollute the land, air, and water as they build industries to employ the people and to grow their economies.

Hoobah Boobah Land is the most sparsely populated nation on the planet. It has also resisted polluting industries, and also the desire for more and more things (the word for this is 'materialism') that has taken over most of the planet. There are no automobiles in H.B.L., and the small need for electricity is provided by geothermal energy (energy supplied by the earth's internal heat -- for more information on the science of alternative energy, visit the Liberty Science Center: exit 14c off the New Jersey Turnpike). Short distance transportation is supplied by tricycles (not tricycles as we know them: these tricycles have three wheels in a row, like a bicycle with a third wheel, if that helps you picture it), or by riding pack animals called bleegoingaaaks. When Hoobah Boobahns ride longer distances, they ride trains powered by natural gas (the technology was imported from Australia, which is one of H.B.L.'s trading partners).

Environmental laws are very strict, and unlike other countries, Hoobah Boobah Land strongly enforces these laws. King Ralph VI is a committed environmentalist. Knowing what he does about other countries and their sad environmental records, he is unlikely ever to allow tourism in Hoobah Boobah Land.