America and Hoobah Boobah Land: A One-Sided Friendship

The United States has tried to make Hoobah Boobah Land its friend and ally many times. Each time it has failed. Hoobah Boobah Land is just too untrusting of the outside world.

Part 1: America discovers Hoobah Boobah Land

In 1885, during the administration of the 22nd President, Grover Cleveland, a US Navy exploration ship discovered Florjabeesh, the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land. The captain tried to row into the harbor, but he was warned away by the Hoobah Boobah Navy (even though the captain was waving a white flag!)

Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th President of the United States of America

Part 2: America tries once again to befriend Hoobah Boobah Land

In 1958, a US spy submarine approached the coast of Hoobah Boobah Land under cover of night. Somehow, the Hoobah Boobahns were alerted to the presence of the submarine, and turned off all the house lights in the area nearest the submarine. The submarine sent a signal of friendship by short-wave radio, but there was no response. As soon as the submarine sailed away, there were three days of celebration.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, the 34th President of the United States, wrote a memo to himself when he was told of the Hoobah Boobahns' unfriendliness: "I have never felt so insulted in all my life!"

Dwight David Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States of America

Part 3: President Richard Nixon tries to make friendly contact with Hoobah Boobah Land in 1973

President Nixon was famous for being the first American president to visit China after China got a communist government in 1949 (Nixon visited in 1972). He thought that if he could visit China, he could visit Hoobah Boobah Land. He had the ambassador to Australia write a letter to the King of Hoobah Boobah Land. But the letter was returned unopened. Nixon resigned from the presidency on August 9th, 1974, before he had another chance to try to visit Hoobah Boobah Land.

Richard Milhous Nixon, the 37th President of the United States of America

It seems doubtful that President-elect Barack Obama will send his Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton, to try to meet with King Ralph VI, the ruler of Hoobah Boobah Land.

Meet the Grishnazxzx Family!

Hello everyone! I'd like you to meet the Grishnazxzx family (by the way, here's how you pronounce their name: 'grishna-six-six'). They live in the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land, which is called Florjabeesh. Mr. Grishnazxzx is a veterinarian. He treats pets, but also large animals like geese and bleegoingaaaks. (Bleegoingaaaks are the 3-horned, 2-tailed buffalo-like creatures that supply Hoobah Boobah Land's milk and butter). Mrs. Grishnazxzx is a teacher at P.S. 500, one of the worst schools in Hoobah Boobah Land -- that is why she is not smiling as broadly as the other family members in the picture. There are two children in the Grishnazxzx family: Meetra, age 17, and Paoluxkosh, age 9. Mrs. Grishnazxzx's mother, Leeeelaya, also lives with the family. She is very kind (however, she was not included in this portrait).

An archaeological discovery!

Recently, archaeologists have discovered evidence that in about 11,000 BC, there was one ruler over all the primitive tribes that lived in present-day Hoobah Boobah Land. The scientists believe his name was Louxpakaxoxz. Louxpakaxoxz started out as the ruler of the tribe of Wxaker, which was the largest and best-organized tribe in the part of Antarctica that makes up the modern country of Hoobah Boobah Land. It is not known how he was able to gain the loyalty of the other tribes. Scientists also could not figure out how long his reign was. However, the tribes were believed to have become independent once again after Louxpakaxoxz's death. Hoobah Boobah Land would not be unified for another 10,000 years.


A burial site was discovered in a bog on the outskirts of the Hoobah Boobah capital, Florjabeesh; this site is believed to have been made specially for Louxpakaxoxz. It was much larger than an ordinary gravesite, and it was much better preserved. It contained gifts that seem to have come from many different parts of present-day Hoobah Land. For example, the remains of a washing-machine made out of tough grasses and sticks that historically was only used in the southern region of Nuktor (a version of this device is still used by older residents of that region) called a vx was found there. A penguin trap that probably came from eastern Hoobah Boobah Land was also found. Also, an ornamental spear was placed next to the remains of the person buried in the site. This would only have been given to a person of royal rank (this spear would have been called a wxaxy in ancient Hoobah Boobahn). The skeletal remains were about 6 feet, 11 inches in length -- Hoobah Boobah legend states that the greatest ruler of pre-historic Hoobah Boobah Land was extraordinarily tall, so the remains could well have been Louxpakoxoxz's (Louxpakoxoxz is believed to be a legendary name, though his real name might have been similar). However, since there was no writing system in Hoobah Boobah Land in 11,000 BC, and the art inside the tomb was faded, there is no way to be certain that the body in the tomb was Louxpakoxoxz's.

Scientists believe that all these objects were offered in tribute to Louxpakoxoxz upon his death. Since the offerings came from all over Hoobah Boobah Land, it is very possible that the different tribes were showing loyalty to the royal family of that time -- they probably would not have done this unless Louxpakoxoxz had actually been their ruler. It is not certain as to whether Louxpakoxoxz fully ruled the country, or whether he just had alliances with all the other tribes.

This is the most important archaeological discovery in Hoobah Boobah Land in the last 100 years. While the legend of Louxpakoxoxz has always been thought to have been based on a real person, this discovery definitely gives more proof that Louxpakoxoxz actually did live in pre-historic Hoobah Boobah Land, and that he ruled over the entire country.

A Note About The Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor

The masterpiece that was performed last Saturday night by the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land, the "Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor", has a very difficult key signature. Would you believe there are 7 flats in this key signature? This means that every single note you play has to be a flat. Here is a link showing the key signature for A-flat minor. (A-flat minor has the same key signature as C-flat major.)

The Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor is rarely performed, because musicians have a hard time remembering to play all those flat notes. At the Royal Command Performance of last Saturday night, King Ralph VI personally requested the Reed Flute Concerto. Needless to say, the Royal Symphony could not turn down his request. However, the orchestra usually prefers to play composer Milityosh Probonizh's Symphony #3 in C Major. The first movement is in C major; the second movement is in A minor (same key signature as C major); the third movement is in G major; the fourth movement goes back to C major.

Princess Lola After The Performance Of The Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land

I have mentioned before that photography is illegal in Hoobah Boobah Land. I have also mentioned that Princess Lola is a role model to many Hoobah Boobah children.

A very talented Hoobah Boobah elementary school student was waiting patiently for Lola to appear at the entrance to the Royal Palace last Saturday night, after the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land's performance. Lola was gracious enough to pose for this young artist for 30 whole minutes! (Normally, the public must wait for the special week-end viewings of the royal family to make this kind of portrait.)

It occurs to me that this picture is very different from the portrait of Princess Lola you see a few posts below. My explanation: different artist, different interpretation of the subject.

Princess Lola's Pet

In Hoobah Boobah Land, the word for 'dog' is 'canushxxshook' (it's very hard to pronounce, just do your best). This is Princess Lola's canushxxshook, which is called Lolee. As you can see, this animal has wings (however, the canushxxshook can not fly). Not pictured are the animal's six tails.

Lolee is wearing a bib that Princess Lola knitted herself. Lola must have been concentrating so hard on her knitting that she forgot the two h's in Hoobah Boobah Land. But you should know that Princess Lola is very talented. Not only can she knit, but she is a great baseball player.

Triumphant Performance of the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land!

At the conclusion of last night's masterful performance by the Royal Symphony of Hoobah Boobah Land, the beloved conductor Haaarixicat Xylizzzx received a standing ovation. The great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson of featured composer Milityosh Proboniszh, Xrlock Proboniszh, mounted the stage, and personally thanked the orchestra for its masterful rendition of his distinguished ancestor's masterpiece, the Concerto for Reed Flute in A flat minor. He then handed a bouquet of flowers to the featured soloist, the renowned reed flute master Earch Ywlooshian.

The applause and cheers of the royal family were especially noticeable.

How did I receive news of the concert so soon after it was over? Normally, it takes 2 weeks for news to travel from Hooobah Boobah Land. However, the Minister of Culture took the kingdom's only BlackBerry (yes, there is only one cell phone in the entire country -- and it doesn't even work in Hoobah Boobah Land!). He boarded the Hoobah Boobah navy's only submarine, the H.B.S. Yppah, and sailed 300 kilometers to get cell phone service. He then text-messaged these details about the concert to me. It must have been a very good concert for him to have done that!