A Lesson in the Hoobah Boobah Language: Office-supply Vocabulary

The Hoobah Boobah language is one of the most difficult on Earth.  However, the words for things having to do with office and school work are fairly easy for English speakers.  All the Hoobah Boobah words for office supplies are, in fact,  taken from the English language, with just a few changes in spelling and pronunciation.  Below are a few examples:

1. Paper clip:  (in a shouting voice) "Paperrrrrrrr Cleeeeep!"
2. Paper:  (as you might imagine, this is pronounced "Paperrrrrrrrr!" in a shouting voice; the 'r' sound at the end of the word is like the sound of a very loud cat's purr)
3. Pencil:  (this word needs to be screamed) "Penceeeeeeel!"
4. Computer:  (Shout each syllable separately) "Com-put-orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
5. Desk:  (make your voice as low as possible, and hold out the 'e' sound for 10 seconds)  "Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesk."  The word is pronounced just as it is in English, except that the 'e' is held out for a really long time, as described.
6. Trash Can:  (the 'r' in trash is rolled, like the r in Ireland or Scotland) "TrashKanTrashKanTrashKan" (even though it seems like you're talking about 3 trash cans, you're really just referring to one trash can.  If you were talking about 3 trash cans, here is what you would say: "TrashKanTrashKanTrashKanTrashKanTrashKanTrashKanTrashKanTrashKanTrashKan"

Health Care In Hoobah Boobah Land

As the United States Congress and the President try to figure out how to make sure all Americans can get health care, it might be a good idea to study the health care system of Hoobah Boobah Land.

Hoobah Boobahns are among the healthiest people on the planet.  There are many reasons for this.  First of all, Hoobah Boobah Land is a low-stress society.  People take their time in everything they do.  They almost never raise their voices, or get anxious.  The Hoobah Boobah Diet is very healthy as well.  So, practically everyone in Hoobah Boobah Land has normal weight and blood pressure.

Transportation in Hoobah Boobah Land is very slow, so people aren't rushing around from one place to another, as in the United States and some other countries.  Most Hoobah Boobahns walk to where they want to go, or ride the 3-wheeled bicycles that are only found in Hoobah Boobah Land (so, they get a lot of excercise).  Or, they take a relaxing ride in a cart pulled by the ox-like animal known as a Bleegoingaak (see the post of  2/18/08  to see a picture of a one of these animals).

Since people in Hoobah Boobah Land don't really try to get rich, doctors are happy with being no wealthier than other citizens of the kingdom.  Sometimes, they are happy just to get some chicken eggs, or butter, in exchange for giving check-ups.  However, King Ralph VI has recently announced that, starting in 2 or three months, every citizen will get 500 Grzzz a year (Grzzz is the Hoobah Boobah money) to use towards doctor bills.  Since all hospital visits are already free, and most doctor visits cost only about 20 Grzzz, you can now say that everyone in Hoobah Boobah Land basically will get free health care.

Ask your parents about how much they have to pay for their healthcare.  I doubt it's for free.

To summarize, there are three basic reasons the Hoobah Boobah health care system works so well: 1.  low-stress, healthy lifestyles 2. affordability of medical care 3. government cash payments to pay for doctor visits and treatments.  Something to think about. 

Illegal Hoobah Boobah Video Confiscated

The Royal Minister of Hoobah Boobah Security Sends A Warning!

Today we got a USB drive by air courier. It came from -- you may have guessed -- Hoobah Boobah Land. It contained video you see above.

It is illegal to use cameras or video devices in Hoobah Boobah Land, as you may be aware.

However, from time to time, unwise citizens disobey the rules.

Security guards caught a visitor to the Royal Hoobah Boobah Museum of Art making this video.

Why he chose to film a ceiling fan is unknown. When questioned by the guards, the visitor said he had heard people from other countries did not believe in Hoobah Boobah Land's existence. He was tired of this, and was using this smuggled camera to shoot a video. He said he would have then put the camera in a bottle, then placed the bottle in the ocean in the hopes that it would reach Argentina or South Africa. When the guards pointed out the difficulty of placing a camera in a bottle, the detained visitor slapped himself on the forehead and wept.

The Minister of Security has released the video to us, asking us to warn all foreigners not to try smuggle video cameras to Hoobah Boobah citizens!

The Minister of Security has also assured us that the citizen's only punishment will be confiscation of the camera.

Fossilized Pliplocky Discovered!

An intern from the Royal Hoobah Boobah Department of Paleontology discovered a fossilized Pliplocky (the fruit of the rare Plickyforth plant). She did a rubbing of the fossil -- notice that the stem was also preserved. It is estimated that this Pliplocky is about 60 million years old, which places the fossil at the end of the Dinosaur era.

The rubbing is very light, no doubt because the intern did not wish to damage this rare specimen.

What differences do you notice between this ancient Pliplocky and the one illustrated below (the Pliplockies are the multi-colored bow-tie-shaped fruits on top of the Plickyforth in the illustration shown in the post below this one)? Some of the writing has faded in transit, but have you taken note of the dimensions indicated on the rubbing? The Hoobah Boobah intern was no doubt unfamiliar with our measurement system. Perhaps she thought "feet" are really "millimeters".

The Plicky Forth: one of the world's most unusual plants -

The Plicky Forth bears fruit only once every 50 to 100 years.

It is found in only one place on Earth: the Western Un-organized Imperial District of Hoobah Boobah Land (for more information on Hoobah Boobah Land's western-most province, see the post of 12/11/07).

The western part of Hoobah Boobah Land is inhospitable to most life. Some parts of this region never have temperatures above freezing. It so happens that the Plicky Forth can not survive at temperatures above 0 degrees Celsius (32 degrees Fahrenheit). This is why it grows in the western part of Hoobah Boobah Land.

How can a plant survive in such an environment? The answer lies in the natural anti-freeze found in the Plicky Forth's stalk. The Plicky Forth naturally creates a chemical that maintains its internal temperature at about 70 degrees Fahrenheit (however, at temperatures above freezing, this anti-freeze converts into a toxin that would quickly kill the Plicky Forth).

The fruit of the Plicky Forth is called the Pliplocky. It is a rare delicacy. King Ralph VI sent an expedition to western Hoobah Boobah Land in search of a fruit-bearing Plicky Forth. In spite of many hardships, the explorers found a Plicky Forth with fruit ready for picking. An artist on the expedition drew the picture you see above. They brought the Pliplocky at the top of the Plicky Forth back to King Ralph VI, where he shared it with his family and a few trusted servants.

Many thanks to my assistants at the Hoobah Boobahn-American Friendship Society for translating names of the Plicky Forth parts into English.

United States Will Not Be Sending An Ambassador to Hoobah Boobah Land

Hillary Rodham Clinton, Secretary of State of the United States of America

A source in the State Department, who asked that his name be withheld because he was not authorized to talk to journalists, has said that Barack Obama will not try to establish diplomatic relations with Hoobah Boobah Land.

"With wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, the Swine Flu scare, an economic recession, and other problems, the Government of the United States does not think it should be a priority to attempt to have formal contact with the Government of His Most Royal Highness, King Ralph VI.

"Three presidents prior to Barack Obama have made friendly gestures toward Hoobah Boobah Land. All three attempts were rejected with great unkindness (see the post of 11/24/09). His Majesty's Government has shown no interest in creating ties with the United States. We therefore believe that President Obama would not meet with success in approaching King Ralph VI with an overture of friendship.

"If King Ralph VI ever wishes to initiate constructive conversation with the United States of America, President Obama would be receptive. Secretary of State Clinton would then visit Hoobah Boobah Land at her first available opportunity, in order to hold formal discussions regarding the establishment of diplomatic ties.

"Until that time, President Obama joins Secretary Clinton in sending his best wishes for health, happiness, and prosperity to King Ralph VI, his family, and his loyal subjects."

Unfinished Music By Hoobah Boobah Land's Greatest Composer Discovered!

Milityosh Probonizh was the greatest composer in the entire history of Hoobah Boobah music. His masterpiece is the "Concerto for Reed Flute in A-flat Minor".

Recently, some workmen doing renovations on Milityosh's boyhood home in the capital, Florjabeesh, discovered a locked trunk in a crawl space behind the basement wall. Inside the trunk was an early, unfinished piece of music that music scholars believe Milityosh tried to write when he was about 14 years old, judging by the handwriting. The title in Hoobah Boobahn is "Brztzcak Füür Zixctishosh", which means "Concerto for Whale-bone Horn" (The whale-bone horn is an instrument that is unique to Hoobah Boobah Land).

This discovery gives us an opportunity to learn some unique facts about Hoobah Boobah music. In this musical score, each staff shows the part for the different instruments in the orchestra (notice there is no time signature, and no measures). The top line is the part for the lead instrument, the Zixctishosh (which is abbreviated as 'Zix'); the other lines are for violins, clarinets and other instruments. Notice that every instrument has its own key signature (another feature of Hoobah Boobah music that is unlike the music we are familiar with).

It looks as if he gave up after not even finishing one page -- as you can see, he never got around even to starting to write the parts for the VixohtuSpleka (trombone) and the Honjee (harmonica).

No one can figure out why Milityosh Probonizh gave up on writing this piece of music.

There were other items also found in the trunk containing this music: an unfinished thank-you card Milityosh was writing to his grandmother, his teddy bear, and a slingshot.

Weather Between Hoobah Boobah Land and New Zealand Improves!

The waters between Hoobah Boobah Land and New Zealand have become calm. Now, ships can safely leave Hoobah Boobah Land, and we should have some news arriving here within no more than a week. Be patient!

No News From Hoobah Boobah Land in over 4 Weeks

Why has there been no news from Hoobah Boobah Land recently?

All news from Hoobah Boobah Land first arrives in New Zealand, by freighter. From there it is shipped by UPS or FedEx to me (for more details, see my earlier post that explains the complicated way information gets sent from Hoobah Boobah Land to Brooklyn).

There have recently been terrible storms in the waters between Hoobah Boobah Land and New Zealand. All shipping has been suspended until the storms subside. As soon as the weather improves, we shall have more news about what has been happening lately in Hoobah Boobah Land.

All the information that I receive about Hoobah Boobah Land comes in written form. There is no telephone or e-mail contact between Hoobah Boobah Land and any other nation. All communication takes place by old-fashioned letters, often using ink pens made from goose feathers.

As soon as I receive any information about Hoobah Boobah Land, I will share it with you immediately.

Sincerely,

D. Schorr

King Ralph VI Participates in a Charity Ice-Wrestling Match

The reigning Hoobah Boobah Ice-Wrestling champion, Prabzx Olitoxcx, is traveling to the Hoobah Boobah capital, Florjabeesh, for an exhibition match against His Royal Highness, King Ralph VI.

Two artificially-molded 400-pound ice-wrestling icicles will be placed in the middle of Stalactushzz Stadium (the largest stadium in Hoobah Boobah Land). The first man to break his icicle (basically by giving it a huge bear hug), will be declared the winner. However, Prabzx Olitoxcx will probably let King Ralph VI win the match, as it is only for charity (just like celebrity chef Bobby Flay allows unknown local chefs to beat him in taste tests, even though he could easily win if he wanted to).

All proceeds from the match will go to a scholarship fund for needy students wishing to attend the Royal Hoobah Boobah Merchant Marine Academy (see post of October 10, 2007).

Admission to the ice-wrestling exhibition will be 3 Grzzz (scroll down to find out more about Hoobah Boobah money).

There Is A Winner In the Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society Essay Contest

The Brooklyn Chapter of the Hoobah Boobahn/American Friendship Society recently held an essay/art contest to encourage young people to learn about Hoobah Boobah Land. Though the winner's name must be withheld, above is the 1st prize art work; below is the essay. The picture and the essay were done by the same contestant. Congratulations!

What is the prize? If Hoobah Boobah Land ever allows tourism, the grand prize winner will get an all-expenses-paid trip to Florjabeesh, the capital of Hoobah Boobah Land!

Hoobah Boobah Land is an amazing place where you can let your imagination run wild!

Hoobah Boobah Land claimed its independence from Antarctica and that's when the Hoobah Boobah nation began...

King Ralph VI rules Hoobah Boobah Land. He has two beautiful daughters: one is older and one is one year old, her name is Abby.

Hoobah Boobah Land has a submarine named the "Yppah", which spelled backward is "Happy".

The country itself is very beautiful! Lots of healthy green trees, sandy brown beaches, exotic fish and snowy mountains. Hoobah Boobah Land is paradise!

One popular sport in Hoobah Boobah Land is ice wrestling. There are two players, each of them tries to break a piece of ice sticking up from the ground in front of them. Whoever breaks the ice first wins!

You can see that Hoobah Boobah Land is busy every day, packed with tons of excitement! Yes, Hoobah Boobah Land is home, sweet home!

Ice Wrestling: Very Popular

In the United States, Mexico, and some other countries, pro wrestling is very popular. In Hoobah Boobah Land, there is no pro wrestling. However, Ice Wrestling is the second-most popular sport after baseball. King Ralph VI is a huge fan.

Ice Wrestling originated in the southern Hoobah Boobah province of Nuktor. Here is a student drawing of Prabzx Olitoxcsx, one of the most famous ice wrestlers in the whole country.

The word for Ice Wrestling in Hoobah Boobahn is frozenluttzcxca. English, however, is studied in school by young Hoobah Boobahns. You can faintly see that this young artist has given his drawing an English-language title.